


If I Leave

by HanjiJaegerbombastic



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blindfolds, Blood Kink, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Daddy Kink, Death, Handcuffs, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Past Drug Use, Past EreJean, Past Relationship(s), Praise Kink, Psycho, Shameless Smut, Smut, Violence, Yandere, Yandere Eren Yeager, past Eremin, psychotic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-05-08 05:49:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14687790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HanjiJaegerbombastic/pseuds/HanjiJaegerbombastic
Summary: Yandere!Eren AU**The room spins around me every time I open my eyes. It’s always a dark light that invades my vision. It’s far too dark for me to focus, therefore causing my head to ache.I know where I am, I know where I am staying, so I don’t want to say that I’m kidnapped. Though, you could be kidnapped and know where you are. The knowledge of your destination does not define kidnapping. So… what’s stopping me from saying that I am?I do love him. I’ve loved him since I got here. My feelings for him somehow never went away. Here I am, covered in my own blood thanks to him, and yet I still can’t let go? I still love him the same? Why is that? Why do I hold onto him? How come I can’t get the courage to call for help?Maybe because I know the consequences all too well. If I leave, another person dies. If I leave, I get a thorough punishment. If I leave, I will be without him. If I leave, the man I love will be arrested and sent to prison for life.I want him. I want him in so many more ways than I already have. I miss the days back when we were healthy, I do. But now, even when it’s unhealthy, I can’t get enough. And I will never get enough.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so... Another book.  
> I don't really like calling it "yandere" but also if I were to name it in English then I would have millions of names to call Eren in this fic.  
> I don't feel like I have to give a warning because first off, it's explicit, second it says there's graphic descriptions of violence, third it's a psychotic fic, but people don't read warning so this is your final warning. I won't be putting warnings before smut (which there will be a lot of), I won't be putting warnings before violence/deaths/abuse. This is your last warning.

_ The room spins around me every time I open my eyes. It’s always a dark light that invades my vision. It’s far too dark for me to focus, therefore causing my head to ache. _

_ I know where I am, I know where I am staying, so I don’t want to say that I’m kidnapped. Though, you could be kidnapped and know where you are. The knowledge of your destination does not define kidnapping. So… what’s stopping me from saying that I am? _

_ I do love him. I’ve loved him since I got here. My feelings for him somehow never went away. Here I am, covered in my own blood thanks to him, and yet I still can’t let go? I still love him the same? Why is that? Why do I hold onto him? How come I can’t get the courage to call for help? _

_ Maybe because I know the consequences all too well. If I leave, another person dies. If I leave, I get a thorough punishment. If I leave, I will be without him. If I leave, the man I love will be arrested and sent to prison for life. _

_ I want him. I want him in so many more ways than I already have. I miss the days back when we were healthy, I do. But now, even when it’s unhealthy, I can’t get enough. And I will never get enough. _

+++++

He sat as his usual spot in the park, writing away in his journal. He found it weird that he’s always been instructed to write in a journal, but never questioned it. His life has never been the best, hence why he is now in therapy and writing in said journal.

He writes or draws in it every day. He was majoring in art before he dropped out. He only lasted a year in college before he could no longer afford it. He never wanted to take any loans, grants or anything else of the sorts; it would just be worse for him in the end because they raise your fees if you don’t pay before a certain time. He didn’t want to deal with the stress of his fees raising, therefore he finished up the semester before dropping out.

His parents have never been around to support him. He never knew his father to begin with and his mother was always at work, making sure she could afford the small apartment for the two of them to live well. He spent his money on food and saved up the rest.

His life sounds so simple to anyone else, some people have even admitted that they wanted to have his life. There’s only one person who knows the details of what truly goes on in it, and it isn’t pretty. He figures that it could be worse, someone close to him can die, but every case is different.

He never had the best grades, he never had many friends throughout school. Most of his friends were made through work rather than school, therefore his workplace is something he cherishes. He’s never had a relationship, he’s only slept around. Despite living with his mom, they’re not on the best terms and it pains him to continue living with someone who doesn’t agree with his life choices.

His high school time was spent outside of school unfortunately. Beating after beating, it was. He never enjoyed being in the hospital after a bad beating and the school did nothing about it. He doesn’t let it bother him now, but he has possessed some of that anger from his classmates into himself.

He didn’t want therapy, he’s perfectly fine without it. But he feels like a therapist is the only person he can vent to. Even though he trusts his coworkers with anything, he still doesn’t feel comfortable enough to share this information. With a therapist, you can tell them anything and they’re licensed to keep it a secret. Of course, he can’t be in therapy forever especially when in a tight money situation, so he’s been told to write everything down in his journal.

He does enjoy drawing out how he feels inside the journal. By drawing everything out for his eyes only, he isn’t being judged on it. That’s the one thing he hated about being an art major. Art classes are always opinionated. The piece may look so good in your eyes, but it could look horrible in another persons eyes. Even when it comes to historical artists like Michelangelo or Picasso, some people may find their works awful. He hates how art can just be graded like that. Some of the artworks he has hopes for, he ends up getting a low grade on them. 

If he draws here, they’re not graded. They’re only for him, and he will no longer have to go through the heartbreak of someone telling him that it’s not good enough.

The neighborhood park is where he sits down to write his books. It’s a bit far from his apartment complex considering the neighborhood is huge. On the far north side of it, that’s where the apartments are. For the rest of the giant neighborhood, they’re regular houses. They’re all multiple stories, making them extremely expensive. It’s weird having both houses and apartments in the same neighborhood, but it does work out well. The park is surrounded by the tall multi story houses. Nobody ever comes to the park because there is no perfect weather to get out. It is either way too hot or way too cold. Of course, the people who complain about that are those who go on the actual playground and burn themselves on the blazing hot or the arctic cold plastic and metal.

The bench was perfect though. It was never too hot nor too cold for Levi. Everything was perfect for him.

He enjoyed the silence, though. It gave him time to think without the sound of screaming kids bursting his eardrums or the possibility of football hitting him in the face. He enjoyed being alone and it never bothered him.

He gets the occasional, “what are you doing out here?”, but it's never bothered him considering those who ask are those who care about his health. They want to make sure he is doing well and that he is okay, even mentally.

He always gives the same excuse. Yes, he is okay. When really, no, he isn’t. He doesn’t want anybody to pry into his life anymore. Of course, if he feels a connection with someone then he will let them into his life, but it’s been years since he had a special connection with anybody. He has his friends, he has plenty of them, but they don’t have that connection that he needs in order to open up to them. 

He has his journal though, and that makes him happy enough. As he draws away in his book, yet another person comes up to him. He doesn’t notice the figure walking up to him until the figure sits down beside him. He is taken out of his trance and looked up to meet dark gray eyes, similar to his. He sighs as he gets back to his artwork, making sure she can’t see it. “What do you need, Mikasa?” he asks his sister.

“I just want to see how my older brother is doing. You’re almost never home, you know? I kinda miss you,” she says. He sighs once more as he looks back up to Mikasa. Same father, different mothers. Their father passed away shortly after Mikasa’s birth, therefore Levi never got to know him. Due to them being from different mothers, they’re only four months apart in age. Mikasa’s mom left once she found out about Levi and Kuchel, his mother. Kuchel took in Mikasa as her own, and one mother raising two kids equals a lot of work that needs to be done in order to support them.

Levi doesn’t want to count his father’s death as one that affects him considering he never knew the guy, but he knows that it does. His mother wouldn’t be struggling to pay the bills every month, he wouldn’t have to drop out of college and limit his therapy sessions if he weren’t in this situation. He refuses to think of it that way, especially when he is so used to having only one parent now.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong? You’ve already gone through three notebooks but you never open up to me,” Mikasa tries to reason. She does worry for her older brother. She has been working her ass off to try to support the house, but not many jobs in the area give out full time hours. Two part time jobs isn’t even enough to pay for half of the expenses.

“Because, Mikasa, it just feels… weird,” Levi tries to say, struggling with his words. “You’re family. You don’t know much about me and I don’t know much about you. We’ve always been distant. It feels weird to open up to family, especially because I don’t want mom to know. She doesn’t need to worry about me, she’s already busy enough.”

Mikasa looks down at her lap and closes her eyes. “You don’t have to think that way. You know I don’t tell mom anything,” she says. “Yes, I told her that I was worried about you and that resulted in you going to therapy, but Levi I was really worried. I wasn’t sure what path you were going down mentally and it was scaring me. You said the same thing back then, that you don’t want to open up to family, but things might escalate even further if you don’t.”

Levi looks at her and tries to fight back the tears in his eyes. He was never the one to cry in front of people and he knows he won’t give in. He hates showing his emotions because they symbolize weakness. He doesn’t want people to see how weak he truly is.

“I’m sorry Mikasa, but it feels wrong opening up. I don’t know if or when I will be ready to open up. I’m not even open to my friends, I’m only open to this journal,” he says before looking back to his drawing. It was an arm spread out across the bottom of the paper as blood poured out of it. A knife was clenched in his hand and you could tell that its grip wouldn’t last very long. Levi never self harmed, he couldn’t imagine bringing a blade up to his skin, but the feeling of drawing it out felt the same way.

The blood stained his mind, whether it was real blood or not. The craving to do so, the motivation to do so, is still there. It’s for his love for his family that he can’t, that’s the only difference in all of this.

Mikasa looked at the drawing with wide eyes. Above the arm were numerous items that could do damage or kill you, such as guns, ropes, pills and poison. “Levi…” she trailed off.

“I’ve never done any of this, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have an urge to do it,” he admits. “I can't do this to my body, so I draw out what I feel.”

Mikasa has always been worried about Levi in the sense of him self harming. It feels like a weight has been rolled off of her shoulders when he says this. He always wears long sleeves or hoodies, even during the summer time, so she never knew. It is a relief for her to know that he doesn't. Of course, even if he did, she wouldn't be angry or upset at him. The worry she contains would've grown if that were the case.

“Why do you feel this way?” Mikasa asked. She knows that it is a difficult question to answer, but she wants to get something out of her older brother.

“What do you mean?” Levi asked, looking back at her and closing the journal.

“What events have happened that make you want to do those things? What’s preventing it from happening?” she asks in depth.

Levi sighs as he tries to think. He doesn’t know if he wants to answer the question or not because it goes against his point of not opening up to anybody. The more she talks, the more he wants to finally let it out. It’s just like a therapist; you don’t want to speak at first but they manage to get it out of you and you’re not sure how.

“Fine,” he finally gives in. “I hate being alone. I have you and mom and Hange and Isabel and Farlan and Erwin… but I still feel alone. I can’t handle this feeling of being alone, like I can never open up to anybody, like I will never find love. I hate how I feel like a waste of space. I can’t find a job to help the house, I can’t clean around the house, I can’t find shit around the house to help you out if you were in need of a first aid kit or something. I am a shit friend for not being honest with them about how I feel but at the same time, I can’t get myself motivated to open up to them. I don’t know why they’re still with me, I don’t know why you or mom are still with me. I’m a waste of space. All I can to is write and draw in this notebook. I can’t do shit right other than this because this notebook is all about me and how I feel, and nobody can say what I do with it.”

Mikasa was taken back. She knows there’s more than that, but decides not to speak of it. He’s already said a lot more than he normally does, it’s best to not push him any further. She looks down for a moment, and looks back up to see the older brother crying. He’s never been the type to show his emotions in front of people, so seeing him cry puts her in a state of shock.

She pulls him in for a hug and he cries it out. “It’s okay Levi. You’re not a waste of space. We don’t mind that you can’t work. Remember, it took me almost three years to get a job and it’s perfectly okay that you don’t work, especially with limited options around here. We understand. Plus, your health comes before work. Your health is more important than helping out around the house. But, keep us in check, okay? We are worried about you. We love you, Levi,” she says.

Once Levi’s crying starts to come to an end, he pulls away and Mikasa dries his tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cry,” he says.

“Don’t apologize, Levi. You need to let it out every now and then because bottling up your emotions is very dangerous, trust me,” she says.

Levi looks back down into his lap and realizes the notebook isn’t there. He looks at the concrete ground and sees it there, flipped open onto another drawing page. “That’s a pretty drawing. Who is he?” Mikasa asks as she sees the drawing of a brunette with ocean green eyes.

“I don’t know. I see him walking around here a couple of times. Sometimes I draw those who I see around here just to have something to do,” Levi admits. “I’ve never talked to him or anything. It’s just another recurring face.”

“How many people have you drawn? You know these are really good, Levi. I wish you would’ve stayed in school for your art major. You have a talent for it and you’ll be able to make good money off of it,” Mikasa says.

“School was too expensive and all the grades were based on opinion rather than using the tools correctly. They didn’t like my drawing style despite it being perfectly proportionate, it wasn’t worth it. All they did was lower my confidence in my art. I know I should continue in school, but an art major wasn’t the way. Maybe I’ll submit works into art galleries, but who wants someone without a degree? I don’t even have an associates degree,” Levi says.

He’s never told anybody his opinion on his art and he’s aware he avoided one of Mikasa’s questions. He’s drawn so many different faces, it’s unhealthy. Every face he has seen, he remembers as clear as day. Of course, that doesn’t mean anything is mentally wrong with him, it just means he has a good memory, but he still sees it as unhealthy.

“I see. It never hurts to try. Degrees don’t mean the world, there are opportunities out there without them,” Mikasa tries to reason despite knowing that’s partially false. You can never get a good job without a degree. Even fast food jobs require resumes now because of the struggle to get one. There aren’t many opportunities due to the town being small, therefore they can only hire a specific amount and a specific group of people.

“I don’t know, Mika. I’ll always try to get into a gallery but I don’t think I’ll be able to make it,” he doubts himself. “I’ll be home in a while, if that’s why you came out here.”

Mikasa knows the comment wasn’t made to be rude, but it still hurt her nonetheless. She is worried about her brother, yet he pushes her away. She can understand why Levi may feel bad right now, he’s never opened up a lot and he just said a lot. She just rests a hand on his shoulder and smiles.

“Be home before dark, okay? It’s been getting more dangerous out here,” she says before leaving.

Levi knows Mikasa is never affectionate, meaning he has a huge place in her heart. It makes him happy whenever her cold stoic look is gone. It makes him feel loved, and he loves her. He just can’t find it in him to open up.

He starts writing and drawing a bit more. His drawings ended up being a lot happier after having that talk with Mikasa. His favorite drawing was of two birds, one of them being blue and the other white. They were flying up in the sky in opposite directions.

By the time he finished the drawing, he couldn’t see his paper anymore. He looked up to see the darkness that has consumed him. “I thought she told you to be home by dark,” a voice said.

Levi jumped and he noticed a familiar pair of ocean green eyes shine through the small light in the park. He knows this person, he’s drawn him numerous times before; he’s the drawing Mikasa saw.

“I lost track of time. I’ll be going now,” Levi said, his stomach clenching in due to anxiety. He quickly packed up his drawing supplies and notebook before starting to leave.

“Levi, was it? I saw your drawing. It was really good. I never expected anyone to draw me,” he says. “I’m Eren, by the way.”

Levi stopped, but he didn’t want to turn around. “Why have you been here for so long? Why are you here? Are you watching me?” were his first thoughts.

Eren chuckled behind him. “I’m always here too, Levi. I don’t just pass by. You never look east, where I am. You always look west because that’s where the sun sets. I notice you always watching the sun sets. They’re really pretty, yeah?” he says as he comes up to Levi and stands in front of him. “Don’t worry, we’re just outsiders like the rest of them. I haven’t been watching you, it’s just a coincidence we’re both always here. I did listen in to your conversation because, well, there isn’t much to do here. I listen in to everyone's conversation whenever someone passes by. Surely you do the same thing considering you draw them.”

He wasn’t wrong, but red flags were surrounding Levi. He never does good around people, nevermind someone he drew talking to him, and the fact that he’s been here the entire time. He backs up a bit and Eren closes his eyes, backing up himself. 

“You should get home before she freaks out. I’m guessing she’s your sister? She cares about you. Also, you don’t know me, but I happen to care about you too. Crime has been going up lately, especially in this area. I don’t like seeing anybody hurt, no matter what they’ve done,” Eren says.

“If you agree, then why aren’t you home? Why are you still here?” Levi asked. He knows he is being cold but he can’t help it. He doesn’t know the guy, he doesn’t know if he will hurt Levi despite his claims.

The one thing that Levi can’t get enough of are Eren’s eyes. Whenever Eren closes his eyes, a part of him fades away. It’s as if those ocean green eyes keep him alive. “Because I wanted to make sure you were okay and heading home. You don’t know me, I don’t know you, we’ve established that. I still care about your safety. Plus, in case things were to happen I know how to fight for my life. Even if something happened to me it isn’t like I’m leaving anybody behind. I don’t have friends or family like you,” he says.

Levi immediately feels guilty. It was Eren’s tone that sent him in that mood despite him not really listening to the taller boy. “I’m sorry,” he apologized as he looks down at the floor. His face immediately heats up when Eren lifts his chin back up so they’d make eye contact.

“Don’t worry about it beautiful. Hopefully, you could be my new friend?” he asks without moving his hand. Levi feels hot. He nods and Eren removes his hand. “Well then, I guess I do have someone to fight for. Now, you should get home and if you don’t, I’m walking you to your home,” he says.

“You should get home yourself,” Levi says, still flustered. Nobody ever comes up to him and touches him as he has a small fear of touch, but with Eren he craves it.

He knows he doesn’t have feelings for the boy, it’s just the way that Eren represents himself is welcoming. Eren has a warm aura that pulls Levi in. “I will. I live far from here, so wish me luck,” he chuckles.

“Why are you here then? Are there no parks where you live? Where do you live?” Levi asks, tilting his head to the side as he picks up his art supplies and notebook.

“I live in a solo house, no neighborhood, maybe half an hour away by car. I live outside the city, there’s nothing to do out there. That’s why I’m always here, it gives me something to do. It’s a small city, there’s hardly any businesses, but it gives me something rather than nothing,” Eren explains.

Levi feels bad for making him walk all that way back home if it is half an hour away by car. “Why don’t you stay at my place? It’s late and it looks like you didn’t bring a car, I can’t have you walk all that way this late, especially because crime is very high on the city borders,” he offers.

“Don’t worry Levi. I have a car, I just parked maybe ten minutes away from here. Plus, I would like to get to know you a little bit better before staying the night just so it doesn’t feel like you have a stranger inside your house,” Eren says.

Levi flushes red but nods. It was an instinct thought, but also it was nice to offer it. “Okay, sorry,” he says.

Eren chuckles and it sends shivers through Levi. He isn’t sure if he likes the sound of it or not. It’s deep for his liking but at the same time he wishes to hear more of it. “Don’t apologize and get home now. Hurry, so that something doesn’t happen to you,” he says.

Levi nods and he waves before walking away with his supplies clutched to his chest. He is hot and flustered over somebody he just met, but he also had that attitude that makes Levi give in, as if Eren knew exactly how to draw him in.

Now that he is home, he can’t get the boy off of his mind. The boy that’s seen parts of his journal, the boy who’s left him hot and flustered, the boy that’s been there the entire time and he’s never cared to notice him.

“Levi there you are! I told you to be back before dark,” Mikasa said, hugging her older brother. “You had me worried and you wouldn’t answer your phone.”

“Sorry, I lost track of time and I was talking to someone,” he says.

Mikasa pulls back with a worried look on his face. “It wasn’t that brunette kid who was there with you, right?” she asks.

Levi felt conflicted. He wants to say yes because it’s the truth, but at the same time he wants to say no so that he doesn’t get an earful of her talking. The pause between the question and his answer was the answer; he was talking to that brunette boy.

“Levi, be careful around him. I won’t tell you to stay away from him, but you don’t know him. I do know him, and he can cause a lot of trouble very quickly, so be careful. Don’t invite him over, don’t get intimate with him. I noticed he had an eye on you, so… be careful, okay?” Mikasa says. 

“How do you know him?” Levi asks.

“I’ve seen him around myself. He hangs out with a rough group of people it looks like, I always see him entering alleyways on the way to work. Just be careful. I don’t know what he does or these people, maybe it just looks sketchy when it isn’t. I just don’t trust him right now,” she says.

Levi nods and finally loosened his grip on his notebook. “I will try. Thank you Mika, and sorry for worrying you. He just wanted to make sure that I was okay and that I was going to make it home okay.”

The words hit Mikasa for some reason, but she nodded and let it be. “Stay home tomorrow though, okay?”

Levi sighed, but nodded. He was 19, he should be able to make decisions for his own, but he does understand the worry that Mikasa is coming from. They never got the full chance to grow up, therefore they have similar minds of a 15 or 16 year old. Maybe because Mikasa is working now, it gives her the feeling of the role as the older sister who needs to protect their younger siblings at all cost.  
“I’m just gonna go to bed, I’m getting tired,” Levi said, his mood drained. Mikasa nodded and kissed his cheek before he left and went to his room.

Their apartment was tiny, therefore it wasn’t a long journey to get to his room. It’s a three bedroom apartment which is why their rent is so much. Levi and Mikasa used to share rooms but as they got older, they wanted privacy. Mikasa stayed in Kuchel’s room for a while before they moved into a much bigger complex. 

He shut and locked his door before laying out his art items and notebook on his desk. He sat down at it, turned his desk lamp on, and grabbed an ocean green colored pen; the same pen he used to color in Eren’s eyes.

 

_ Today I met someone I drew, but Mikasa is telling me that he is bad news. I don’t know why, but I don’t want to listen to her. I want more of him. He draws me in. He’s the only one in this city that has cared to check up on me and make sure I get home safely. He’s the only one who’s dropped by to start a conversation, and not asking if I were hot or cold like the rest do before walking away. _

_ His name is Eren. He has the most beautiful bright eyes. Around him, I can’t keep this emotionless, stoic expression I always keep. He melts me. He sounds perfect in every way. _

_ Is it normal to develop feelings for someone so quickly? I’ve never been in any relationship, but I have had crushes and one night stands prior to this notebook. I’ve never felt anything like this. Do I like him despite not knowing him? Do I care for him? If he is constantly on my mind like he is right now, maybe. _

_ Or, maybe he’s just on my mind so much thanks to the good deed he has done. It’s like when you get into a fight with someone, that person is constantly on your mind. You don’t like them, you hate them, but they’re on your mind because of the events that have taken place. Maybe it’s like that with Eren and his good actions.  _

_ I want to see why Mikasa tells me he is bad news. She says he’s been seen on alleyways, but for all that could mean, it could be a shortcut. I’m curious why he lives outside the city though. Why does he live where he’s isolated from everyone else? _

_ Then again, I’m always at the park to be alone, isolated. Maybe it’s the same thing, only he can afford an actual home to do so. I don’t blame him from living outside of this awful place, I would do the same thing myself. _

_ My handwriting is starting to become eligible. I should stop writing and get sleep. My eyes are strained from drawing for so long. I’m going back to the park tomorrow while Mikasa is at work. I hope Eren is there.  _


	2. Chapter Two

The next day while Mikasa was at work, Levi went back to the park.

As he walked, he had nothing in his hands. He wanted to bring his notebook, but he didn't want to risk Eren reading any part of it. He wants Eren to see the good in his life rather than the bad and most of the notebooks contents are bad.

He gets to his usual seat in the park and notices Eren there. The brunette smiles and walks up to him. "You're here. How are you? Did you sleep well? Did you get home safely?" he asks all at once.

Levi was taken back, but keeps his stoic expression as he shrugs. "I slept fine, I guess. My sister was trying to chew me out though," he says.

Eren chuckles before ushering Levi to sit down. Once both of them are seated on the bench, Eren speaks up. "I'm glad we finally got to talk, Levi. I mean, we've both been here for a while and I never thought I would have the courage to talk to you. You look so peaceful when you write or draw. I got the confidence when I saw you and your sister talking. I knew it wouldn't be too much of an interruption if I were to speak to you."

Levi was yet again surprised by Eren's words but he didn't show it. He doesn't understand why he means so much to the boy. Yes, they've been sitting close to each other for a long time, but that doesn't explain Eren's actions. He must have other people he can talk to around the area, and Levi suspects that especially after what Mikasa has told him.

"Are you okay? Or do you not talk that often?" Eren asks.

Levi's cheeks flush red and he turns away. "I talk. I just don't know what to say," he said rather bluntly. It is his natural voice after all; he doesn't have a sweet or soft voice that changes the tone of his sentence.

"Well, tell me about yourself. That will give you something to say," Eren says.

The presence of Eren feels almost threatening for Levi. Eren moves awfully quick with their conversation. It must be his personality and he does this with everybody. Extroverts are very quick when it comes to conversations and meeting people, unlike introverts like Levi.

"I do like to draw. I went to college for it, but I didn't like it," Levi said. Art is a huge part of his life, specifically drawing. There are many other forms of art such as painting, pottery, sculpting, playing an instrument, dancing, and theatre. His strong spot is the most simple, cliche type of art there is; drawing. He makes stories out of his artwork, and these stories don't need words. He once drew out a wordless book that ended up being over a hundred pages long. He keeps is stored in a very secured place, worried of others reading it.

"What type of drawings to you do?" Eren asks, tilting his head to the side. Parts of his chocolate brown hair falls into his face as he does so.

"Well, I like to draw people. Realistic wise, not cartoon wise. It's more of a challenge that way. You have to get even more details correctly; you can't get away with mixed proportions easily. You have to make your drawing look almost identical to your model. If I'm not doing that, I'm drawing random objects such as knives and razors... things that can impact a person," he says. He doesn't want to admit what he draws because it's very personal to him, but it feels like Eren can control him and what he says.

"That's very nice Levi. I remember when I drew. I never went to school for it, I just enjoyed doing it as a hobby. I was never the best at it, quite frankly," he says. "Did you go to school in this town?"

Levi nodded at the question and looked down at his lap, fiddling with his fingers. He started to feel uncomfortable but also he didn't want to ask the boy to leave. He would be alone if he left. He would be quiet if he left. He would be closed in if he left.

But opening up is a red flag for himself as well. If he opens up, Eren could use these factors against him. If it's happened before, it could happen again.

"Are you okay?" Eren asks.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Levi mutters, backing away a little in his seat.

"If you want to change the topic or if you want to go home, you can, I understand," Eren frowns. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable. I just thought that maybe you would enjoy a bit of small talk. I still don't know much about you so I don't know my limits on what I can ask you, but I should have asked beforehand."

Levi felt awful and his face turned into a dark shade of red. He didn't want Eren to see; he isn't the best at allowing people to see his emotions. He's worked on gaining such an emotionless, monotone facial feature for such a long time and he isn't going to let Eren ruin that.

"It's fine. I just don't talk much," Levi snapped rather rudely. Eren frowned and reached to grab one of Levi's hands. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"Levi, I know we just met but I see potential in us. Even if you don't feel the same way, I want us to be friends at least. Please let me at least be close to you," he says.

Levi makes eye contact with Eren and immediately regrets it. The boys puppy dog eyes are irresistible, how the ocean green has flakes of gold that pop out when there are tears in them.

"Eren, how do you know this? Feelings aren't something you can mess with. You don't know me; you don't know anything about me. I'm sure you found interest while seeing me writing or drawing, but you don't personally know me. Please don't say things like that, like you want to be in a relationship with me. I don't know you and you don't know me. Maybe in a few months, yes, but for right now, no. Don't talk like that," Levi says.

Eren lets go and lets his hand fall into his own lap. He stared at the floor as tears blur his vision. "I'm... I'm sorry. I just knew I saw potential in us. I know you don't know me and I know I don't know you, but if I can take you out on a date, we can get to know each other. That's all I wanted to ask for. But, if it is too soon I completely understand," he says. "I just... I've never been in a relationship before and I just want to be in one, okay? I like you more than any other person I met. You're beautiful Levi. You're truly beautiful and I want you to see that; I want everybody to see that. Maybe it's just be being desperate in the end."

Levi feels guilty, but he also knows that he isn't going to commit to anything with a complete stranger. He isn't comfortable leaving this park with Eren around. "I just can't accept being with somebody I don't know. I don't talk much about my personal life; I'm fucked up. Please understand that. I'm sorry, but it will take me a while to open up. I'm not even open to my close friends. Like, Hanji has been there for me through thick and thin and I still don't tell her my dark feelings. Erwin, he knows my dark feelings vaguely, but I've known him since elementary school, I'm really close to him. I don't know when I'll be ready to tell you because I barely know you," he reasons.

Eren wipes his eyes with one of his long sleeves before giving Levi a sad smile. "Can we at least talk more and get to know each other? You don't have to tell me anything personal but I still want to get to know you. Or, if you want to get to know me then we can do that too," he says.

Levi shrugs. "I don't know. I will think about it, okay? I should probably be going now, Mikasa said she wanted me inside today so I shouldn't annoy her too much." WIth that, he gets up and gives Eren a small smile before walking away.

He doesn't know if he would ever be able to come back to the park after today. Today's encounter has been weird enough. He wants to go home, but at the same time he doesn't want to. He is stuck in a mindset of not knowing what to do like always.

On his way home, his thoughts go back to his conversation with Eren. He has known Hanji and Erwin for years now, yet isn't open with them. If makes him feel like shit in a way. He wants to be more open with them as they are with him. He doesn't know why he is struggling with that.

He runs the rest of the way home to grab his notebook. He opens up to the next blank page and writes Erwin's name on it.

_Open up to Erwin._

Maybe opening up isn't a bad idea. Maybe he is overthinking his own thoughts. But, it still doesn't feel right to open up.

He grips his hair before slamming his notebook shut. "Why is he getting to me?" he mumbles out loud as he lays his forehead on the desk.

Eventually, he gets up and heads over to Erwin's. He knows he isn't going anywhere if he has a constant battle in his head and he knows it won't go away unless he does this. So, he goes to Erwin's.

He knows Erwin has been busy with school work ever since the year has begun, but he doesn't think he could handle being alone right now. He rings the doorbell and waits for his childhood friend to answer. When he does, he is a bit confused but lets the raven haired boy enter anyway.

"Hey Levi, are you okay? You almost never come over," the blonde says.

Levi shrugs and follows Erwin into the kitchen. Whenever he does come over, Erwin makes the both of them tea. He knows how much Levi enjoys tea and how he never has money for it himself.

"I don't know. I met this guy at the park I always sit at to write in my journal and he is just giving me weird vibes. Today he asked me out. I told him no, that I barely know him and I don't open up to people all that much. I should've just listened to Mikasa and stayed home. If I had stayed home, I wouldn't have been in this shit fest. Now I don't even want to go back to the one place where I found comfort," Levi confesses.

Erwin stays silent for a moment as he puts water inside the metal tea kettle. "Well, that's definitely interesting. Does he know you're straight too?" he asks.

Levi bites his lip as he realizes that he never came out to Erwin. He knows the taller blonde will accept him with open arms, but he never had a reason to mention it until today. He treats his sexuality just like everything else; he doesn't tell people unless it's necessary. He doesn't need to be going around telling people that he like boys or that he enjoys art unless it is brought up in the conversation.

"I wouldn't tell him false information, Erwin. I never told you because we never talked about it, but I'm gay. I didn't think it was that important to where I'd stop all conversations to tell you. I have no interest in anybody, I just know that I prefer dick over anything else. But, yes he knows I'm gay. I don't know, maybe Mikasa mentioned it yesterday and I don't remember or he has a really good gaydar. No idea. But, he knows," he rambles.

He didn't mean to say to much, but he also doesn't know how Erwin will react with straightforward information. The two have been through thick and thin, so coming out without an explanation just seems rude to Levi. Erwin just nods and sits across from Levi.

"So, he tried to hit up with you and he turned you down. It does seem weird how he asked you on the second day, but also this could be good. Levi, if I were you I'd take it. After all, you have never been with anybody before. Not the relationship part, wait for that. Get to know him. Take his offer on getting to know him and see where it takes you. You've never been close like that with anybody before, now it your chance. Have a true relationship with someone who isn't me," Erwin says.

"But, we don't have a relationship," Levi said, confused.

"Levi, you come to me whenever you're confused or upset as you would with a boyfriend or girlfriend. We take care of each other like we are boyfriends. We act like boyfriends without the title and without kissing and such," Erwin shrugged. Levi blushed and walked over to the screaming kettle.

"So, what you're saying is that I should put complete trust in someone who I don't even know and that I should go on dates to get to know him?" Levi asks as he pours the boiling hot water into two cups before placing the tea bags in them. "That's not safe. I don't know him. Why would I put my heart with someone who I don't know? Think reasonably about this."

"Take your time, obviously. You do need to open up though. I know you're not completely open with me, or, anybody, but you need to open up. If you're uncomfortable opening up to us, then open up to a stranger. Strangers are easier to open up to rather than someone you've known all your life sometimes. Plus, how do you think relationships bloom? I didn't know Marie when I started dating her and now I want to ask her to marry me," Erwin reasons.

Levi nods and sets one of the cups down in front of the taller blonde. "I'm still iffy. He rushes everything and... what if he is a sexual person? Or a killer? Or a psychopath? Is that why he lives outside the city? He doesn't have neighbors, he lives outside the city walls, what if he hides his victim's bodies there?! I don't know him!"

Once his rambling ended, Erwin started sipping on his tea. "You watch too many crime shows, Levi."

"Okay one, those are based on true stories and two, I can't help it, my mom watches them all the time so that's the only thing I see on TV. But seriously Erwin... now I'm really curious as to why he lives outside the city. We barely have job opportunities inside the city, there's literally nothing outside of it. Is he just that fucking rich to own his own land out there?" Levi continues.

He knows the topic of Eren is getting to him, but it frustrates him how he doesn't know a thing about the boy. Yes, he did turn down the chance to learn, but paranoia is now getting the best of him. The reason as to why he has only limited himself friendship wise is because he lacks trust in people. You never know when someone will turn your back on you, and Levi isn't ready to face that.

"No idea but you need to calm down, take deep breaths and drink your tea. You go to the park to calm your mind so you don't freak out and get antsy, right? Well maybe he is doing the same. Maybe he was antsy today because he didn't get the chance to calm down by himself first. I don't know him, I can't defend someone I don't know, but think about other options as to why he has awkward behaviors. Maybe he has social anxiety. You don't know, so don't jump to conclusions. Think about him as Hanji, Isabel, Farlan and I. You didn't exaggerate with us, right? So you don't need to with him unless you sense a red flag anywhere at all," Erwin says.

Levi knows Erwin is right, but he can't say it. Instead, he stays silent and sips on his tea until all of it is gone. He has been shaking the entire time, his nerves getting to him.

Erwin gets up and takes both of their cups. He places them in the sink and turns back to the shorter boy, kissing his forehead. "It's getting late, you should get going before Mikasa realizes you're gone," he says.

Levi's cheeks turn dark red once more and he looks to his side. "How'd you know-"

"It's Mikasa, Levi. Let's be honest, she freaks out over everything. Now, it's almost three. I don't know when she gets off of work, but the normal time for a shift change is around now, so I suggest you get going," Erwin cuts Levi off.

Levi hugs his best friend one last time before leaving. Back at his house, Levi was writing in his journal. He still feels iffy about Eren, but he's considering giving the boy a chance.

He doesn't know if he should start slow or to jump right into it. If he jumps right into it, then he will be more open and accepting towards other people and may eventually open up to his other friends. If he starts slowly, then it will be in his comfort level and he won't feel like he needs to run away from Eren at any point.

Mikasa knocks on his door while he is in the middle or writing. "Hey, how was today?" she asks as she sits on his bed.

"It was good, I got to talk to Erwin today. He's doing fine, a lot better since his father passed away," he says.

It's times like this where he is more open about what's going on in his life. Whenever he is writing, he opens up. His journal is his comfort zone.

"That's good. It must be boring for him to live by himself, though. Why won't Marie move in with him?," Mikasa sighs as she plays with her red scarf. She always wore it and hopes she will meet whoever gave it to her. It was a gift out of random by a stranger, and it has always bothered her that she doesn't know who it is from.

"I would offer to move in with him, but I'm jobless. I can't be expected to live with someone and not pitch in. It's bad enough I do it here. Plus, Erwin wants to propose to I'd be in the way of them," Levi says as he puts down his pen. Their conversation was making him lose track of what he was writing.

"I know you weren't at Erwin's house the entire time, though. I happened to be driving by between work places, as we have two different buildings. I know you were at the park. I thought I told you to not go today, Levi."

Levi knows he is caught red handed. He doesn't know what to say. Should be apologize for not listening, or should he man up to her and say that he is in his twenties now, he doesn't need someone to babysit him.

"Levi, I know what you're thinking," Mikasa says. She's the only person who has been able to read behind Levi's stoic expression. "I'm doing this for your safety. Please, respect my wishes. This guy feels like he isn't good news. I feel like something is going to happen to you or to your friends and I don't want that happening. Please, just one single day without him is all I am asking. I'm not your mother, I am your sister. I can't tell you what to do, all I can hope for is that you'll actually listen to me."

With that, she leaves. Guilt eats upon Levi as he faces his notebook once more. He knows that Mikasa is overprotective, but she's been right in the past about people who aren't good for Levi. Even if the advice in the past wasn't for relationships, she still has an idea of what she is talking about. She's known Levi for the longest compared to Erwin, Hanji or even Isabel and Farlan.

He quickly walks up to her and grabs her arm. "I know. I'm sorry, it's just that something attracts me to him. Not in any romantic way, but... I don't know. I know I've never felt this way before, but I also know that there's no way I could have romantic feelings for someone I don't know. I can't explain it. Maybe it's because I don't have a lot of people in my life?  Maybe I'm just craving someone new," he says.

"I understand. I'm just worried for you Levi. We don't know the guy, who we met at a park... don't you see how I'm worried? I don't have many people in my life either, and it would crush me if I were to lose one of those I do have."

Levi frowns once more and fights back tears. The last thing he wants to do is hurt his sister but at the same time he has a gut feeling that he won't be able to get away from Eren. He already has a craving for the boy. He knows nothing about him, he just knows that he needs someone new in his life to ease the boredom that's filled him.

Eren knows more about Levi than anybody else. People know of his journal, but Eren's seen more of it than anybody else has. Levi's journal is precious to him, filled in with everything he wants to do but can't do. Mikasa has seen bits of it, but he feels like Eren has seen more than the snippets of what Mikasa has viewed.

"Just be careful, okay?" Mikasa asks. Levi nods and watches as Mikasa leaves.

Maybe she is right. He doesn't know who he is or what he is getting himself into. Then again, when you make friends that is exactly how it is; you don't know them so you try to get to know them. Why is he struggling so much around Eren?

Maybe it's because he admitted his feelings for him. He doesn't feel the same way and he doesn't think he will ever feel the same way because he isn't the type for romance. Of course, he fancies relationships, but he feels like he is too fucked up in the head to be able to hold up a steady, healthy relationship. 

Maybe Eren saying all of this is a form of brainwashing. There have been hundreds of cases like that in the past, after all. Someone lures you in and then you're trapped.

Eren doesn't seem like that kind of person to trap someone, though. He doesn't seem like the type of person who would hurt anybody. Maybe all he wants is to be loved. He wants somebody to love him.

Levi can understand that since he's never has a significant other. You don't want one, you don't want to depend on anybody, but sometimes you get depressed. You wish you had somebody so that you aren't alone.

He opens up his notebook and begins to write inside of it.

_I'm confused. I've only met this boy yesterday, yet he has managed to fuck me over. He admitted that he has feelings for me today, and Erwin suggests that I go through with him. Will that mean I have to show him this notebook? If he wants to know more about me, then I would have to. This notebook is all of me. Every single bit of me from my mom, my dad, Mikasa, even Hanji and Erwin. And now, him._

_Why did he have to do that? Why did he have to say that he fancies me when he doesn't know me? That's unnatural. How can you like somebody you don't know? Sure, people can look cute, but you don't know anything about them._

_I want him to leave my mind, yet at the same time I want to listen to Erwin's advice. I want to open up to somebody new so that I can become more of a welcoming person. Maybe opening up to Eren can help me become a better person and it will help me open up and I can get a job._

_It only takes one person to make a difference in your life... what if that person is Eren?_

_But, Mikasa doesn't like it. Mikasa has a bad feeling about Eren and I don't blame her. Not everybody admits feelings for someone after the first day, or even second or third._

_Hopefully I figure this out soon._

He closes his notebook and puts it in the drawer of his dresser. Even though Kuchel and Mikasa knows it exists, it still makes him feel uneasy when it's out in the open. 

"Levi," Mikasa pants, running into the room.

Levi looks at her and furrows his eyebrows. His heart starts to race at the sight of her crying. "What happened?"

"Erwin... he's dead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gotten a lot of positive feedback on this book and thank you so much for that. It's definitely going a lot faster than what I am used to (if you've read my Eremin fic, No Sound, you would see that I write at a much slower pace).  
> Thank you all so so so so much for being patient with me and my slow updates!!  
> I was working full time (about 45 hours a week, going into overtime), then I started college. In fact, I'm at my college right now updating before my next class starts.  
> I can't always use this time to update because I have homework to work on, and I feel like I will overwork myself once more.  
> Last week, I was throwing up due to the stress or school and work. I shouldn't be physically sick from simple things like that. If I devote my free time to writing, then I will be backed up on homework and I won't have time to go out and be with my friends or anything.  
> Hell, I don't have time with friends as it stands right now.  
> But, you get the point.  
> 60+ hours a week is going towards school and work and I am new to this, so I need to give myself time to adjust to everything,  
> Thank you guys so much for being patient and thank you for all your positive feedback! I hope to further improve my writing style later on in the future as well.


	3. Chapter Three

It's funny.

It's funny how simple words can change everything.

It's funny how one short sentence can make you feel so... sad.

Sad.

Sadness does a long way. Sadness can mean anything. Sadness  lingers in everybody, but some choose to push it away and some choose to let it invade them.

It's funny how he let's sadness take over him.

It's sad how he lets himself fall apart at a few simple words.

It's sad how he was so dependent on somebody, he didn't think about what he'd do if they went away.

It's sad.

His knees burn from his fall onto the carpet, but it's numb to him. He doesn't feel anything. He can't say anything. He can't express anything.

Until, he laughs.

And laughs.

And... laughs.

He can't stop laughing, yet tears stream down his face.

He grips the carpet as he laughs, watching the tear drops soak into the white flooring. Mikasa watches, not moving, unsure of what to do. Eventually, she goes to kneel on the floor in front of her brother. She dries her tears and calms herself down, knowing that her upset will only increase Levi's bizarre behavior.

It's understandable. She understands. Levi doesn't open up to many people. The fact that Levi lost someone who he was opened up to... it's understandable as to why he would have a reaction as big as this.

Mikasa goes to lean in to hug him, but ends up getting knocked back down. A red mark forms on her cheek from the impact of Levi's hand, but she ignores him. Levi realizes what he did in that moment and his loud crying stopped. He looked at her and whimpered. "I-I'm... I'm sorry."

He crawled backwards, going away from Mikasa. "Hey, it's okay. You're upset. I understand. You didn't mean it, you just reacted," she assures. Levi shakes his head and starts crying harder.

"No! No, it's not okay," he sobs before leaving for the bathroom. He slams the door shut and locks it before opening up the cabinet under the sink.

Mikasa rushes to the door and knocks roughly on it. "Levi, please come out. It's okay! Please, don't feel bad. Come out," she begs.

She has a gut feeling. She knows that Levi has been avoiding self harm for so long and the drawings in his notebook show that. She's seen a couple things that Levi has drawn and it is worrisome for her.

"I... I need Erwin," he whimpers, taking out a fresh razor and popping the blade out. "I was going to tell him everything. I need to tell him. I need him Mikasa! Please, go away."

Levi needs Erwin more than anything right now. Erwin was the one to help Levi and his controversial feelings about Eren. Erwin was the one who was engaged and had a wonderful fiance, now who knows how she is feeling right now. Erwin was the one who Levi trusts with everything. Erwin was the one.

"Levi... please. It's tough, I know, but please don't do anything. Please come out," Mikasa pleads, crying harder. 

 _I don't want to lose him_ , she thinks. She has lost so many people in her life due to suicide; her brother being lost to suicide would utterly destroy her.

Levi looks at the blade for a couple minutes before dropping it. He sobs harder as Mikasa feels the top of the door jamb for a key. She sighs in relief when she feels it and unlocks the door. She grips Levi into a hug and he sobs in her shoulder. "I'm sorry..."

"It's okay Levi. It's okay," she softly says.

_It's okay..._

*****

Levi didn't sleep throughout the entire night, making him exhausted the next morning. He cried until he didn't have any tears left. Mikasa ended up throwing away his razor and the popped blade without him realizing it. 

He kept his phone beside him in hopes that Mikasa had been lying; that Erwin would text or call him. He's called Erwin countless times throughout the night, getting sent to his voicemail box every time. Hanji has called him throughout the night a couple times, but Levi couldn't answer. He knew what she wanted and he wasn't ready to hear it. He wasn't ready to deal with the pain of acknowledging his best friends death by another person.

He looked at his phone, which was on low battery, and looked at the time. 8:12. It's been twelve hours since he heard the news. He still feels the same.

Mikasa knocks on the door before walking in with a bowl of oatmeal and buttered toast. "Hey Levi... I know you may not feel like it, but it is best to eat. Your body is drained, I can tell. You need something in your system," she says as she sets the items on the night stand. She sits on the bed beside Levi, who only turns away from her. "I know, it's hard. But you have to be strong. Nobody wants to see you like this; not him, not me. He'd want to see you happy, right?"

"He... he did tell me to give Eren a chance, to open up to him to see if he's worth keeping. He does want me happy," Levi says. His voice is hoarse, almost nonexistent.  "He would want me happy... you happy... Marie happy... Hanji happy..."

"I know it's tough... I've lost people before him myself. It will hit you hard for a while but I promise, it will get better. It's up to you, though. Will you allow it to get better?" Mikasa asked.

Levi agrees with Mikasa. He understands what she is talking about and he agrees with everything. He just can't seem to move or face her. He can't tell her that he agrees. He just can't move anymore.

"Come on, at least take two bites. Do you want some water or milk too? Probably some water. You're dehydrated," she says.

Levi tries to sit up, but is so weak. Mikasa helps him and he nods, silently thanking her. She hands him the oatmeal and gives him a soft smile. "Careful, the bowl is hot from being in the microwave."

Levi manages to take a couple bites before he feels full. He's never had a big appetite, so moments like these only makes it feel worse. He knows the amount of food he eats can be worrisome, but he can't help it.

The doorbell rings and Mikasa gets up. "I'll be right back. Eat slowly, okay?" she says before kissing his forehead. She leaves the room to peep out of the apartment window.

She notices Hanji and a smile forms on her lips. She opens the door and is immediately pulled into a hug. The fact that Hanji has been crying as much as Levi is conspicuous. Her tears still form as she is in the ravenette's embrace. "Is Levi here?" she asks as she pulls away.

Mikasa nods. "He's not doing well, though. He hasn't slept and he couldn't even sit up by himself. I don't know if he would want company right now. I can ask," she offers.

"It's okay. If he doesn't feel well then I don't want him to feel bad. I just wanted to see if he was doing okay. He hasn't been answering his phone and I got worried," Hanji says as she rubs her eyes against her jacket.

Out of nowhere, Levi runs up to Hanji and takes her into a hug. He continues hiccuping and weeping, but no tears have yet to come. He's dehydrated. Hanji hugs back and rocks the two of them back and forth. Mikasa leaves to the kitchen, leaving them by themselves.

"Oh Levi, are you doing any better?" she asks.

"Fuck, I don't even know anymore," he admits, hugging her tighter. He's never felt so comfortable in another person's arms. He's never felt so dependent on another person to lift him up. And, here he is resting in Hanji's arms. "I know hiding myself isn't going to do anything, and I heard you say you were worried... I can't do that. I know he wouldn't want me to do that."

He feels like he will say that I lot. He wouldn't want that. Erwin wants happiness out of everybody, and it's something that is human nature. Everyone wants happiness rather than sadness. Levi knows his actions will focus a lot around Erwin, thinking about what he would want.

"I'm proud of you, Levi. I'm proud of you for getting yourself out of bed. Marie is too, you know? She's at my house now. She was worried as well," Hanji tells him as she pulls away from the hug. She sets the two of them down on the couch and Levi cuddles up to her side.

It's a side of Levi that nobody has ever seen before; vulnerability. He's defenseless, he wants somebody to lean on. He can't do it by himself right now. He wants support, and he trusts Hanji enough for that support. 

"How did they find him?" he asks. He doesn't want to know, but maybe knowing will be beneficial for him to be more at peace with himself and his emotions.

Mikasa enters the room with three cups of tea. "I made tea. Levi, your favorite," she offers. It's in his favorite tea cup, which is designed specifically for him. It doesn't have any handles. It's a weird concept, but he's always hated cups with handles.

He thanks her before blowing on the hot substance before taking a sip of it. The burn down his throat and lungs causes him to shiver, but then he lays back in Hanji's arms.

"Marie was going over... she was going to tell Erwin that she's pregnant. It was going to be a big moment... but then he was dead. There's not a single trace of evidence, meaning it'd be impossible if it were a suicide. Every suicide shows some trace of how it's occurred, whether it's pills or poison in their veins or a weapon of sorts. But, there was nothing. Someone killed him. The killer managed to get around the security cameras in his house too... I don't understand how though," Hanji explains.

"Whatever happened, it was planned," Levi continues. There's no way a killer could get through security cameras and leave zero evidence on their first go at it. Whoever did this had a plan to kill Erwin... but... why?

"Why Erwin, though?" Mikasa asks.

"I don't know. He is from a wealthy family, which is rare around here. But this is all too planned for it to be just because of money. It could be because of the people he's associated with. After all, his parents are the ones with the millions," Hanji suggests. 

Levi shrugs, taking another sip of his tea.  "I.. I hate the idea of someone purposely doing this to him... to anybody, in fact."

"I do too... Erwin doesn't deserve this... nobody does."

"Can we change the subject please?" Levi asks, his head hurting even more. 

Hanji and Mikasa nod as they sip their tea. "Are you going to the park today? I think it would be good to get some fresh air," Mikasa says.

Levi thinks about it, then shakes his head. "Eren will be there and I don't want him to know. Me being in the state I am in, he will know. He's good at reading me," he says.

"Will he be worried if you don't show up?" Mikasa asks.

Levi looks down in his lap and the grip on his cups tightens. Why does Mikasa suddenly care about Eren? Mikasa had asked him to stay away from Eren, then suddenly she cares?

"Why do you care?" he snaps.

Mikasa sighs. "Levi, I know I told you to stay away, but maybe opening up to Eren will be good in the end. I want you happy, I want you to live your life. I know Erwin really appreciated Eren from what you told me, so why not? I trust his judgement."

"Maybe going out will be good for you, Levi. I know when my son passed away, I walked everywhere. I was heartbroken, but getting fresh air is what calmed me down," Hanji suggests.

Levi always forgets that Hanji was once a mother. She did live a happy life with her husband, Moblit. Despite them only being 20, they lived damn well. They had a con together, Kuklo. Kuklo was only three months old when he passed away. He was born prematurely, causing health problems. They thought he was stable, then it was too late.

Moblit has left since then and has yet to return. They never divorced, so Hanji still wears her ring three years later in case that one day he will come back. Levi wasn't too attached to Kuklo, but it still hurt him when he passed away. He can't imagine how Hanji feels about the situation. Moblit could be dead for all she knows. It's just a matter of time until her questions are answered.

"I know I'll break in front of him. I don't know how I can continue if I break. It's tough enough being here right now... I've never done this before. I've never has such comfort before. I've never been... vulnerable... before. I can't show a stranger this side of me," Levi says. He can feel tears forming once more.

"Levi, opening up is difficult. Sometimes, you have to show your weak parts to show them your strong ones. I don't know who this guy is, this is my first time hearing about him, but if Erwin is being suggestive about hanging out with him, then showing your inner emotions will show him who you really are. Has he shown you who he really is?" Hanji asks.

Levi thinks about it for a moment before nodding. Eren has shown weak sides of him by telling him that he is longing for a relationship since he's never had one. He feels alone. He wants somebody to lean on and somebody to keep him strong and supportive. 

"Then open up yourself. You know, they say that you don't truly care about someone until you show them your weak points. If this Eren dude showed you his weak points, then he cares about you. I know I can't say much because my husband up and left me three years ago and hasn't bothered to contact me since, but I do know that. Opening up is hard, I know. But, you can't let emotion eat at you," Hanji finishes.

It takes Levi a couple minutes to process everything Hanji just told him. His mind is going a thousand miles per hour right now. First, Mikasa asks him to stay away from Eren because she has a gut feeling that he has a bad person. Then, his best friend passes away. Now, he is in Hanji's arms getting advice about life and how Eren could be good for him. He doesn't get out much, he's always been closed off in his own little world for years. The fact alone that he even met Eren in the first place was too much for him. Now, all of this is happening at once.

"I guess I will go," he says. He makes no effort in getting up; he feels too weak to do so. He feels like if he gets up, he will throw up everything he had just consumed. "I just.. want a minute before I do anything. I'm tired, I feel sick... I feel like I'm going to pass out."

"Take a nap, then," Mikasa says. She gets up and goes to the linen closet to retrieve a blanket. Hanji lays the two of them down, Levi on top of her. His hands are clutched on the front of her shirt.

"Watch those hands," she teases, combing her fingers through his hair.

Mikasa unfolds the blanket and rests it on the two of them. Hanji thanks her and tucks it tighter around him. 

"Thank you, Hanji," Levi whimpers, his eyes closing. His grip on her chest loosens as he falls asleep. "Thank you, Mikasa."

As soon as he is asleep, Hanji sighs. "I've never seen him like this before... It's scary," she tells Mikasa. Mikasa agrees as she rubs Levi's back.

"It's good, though. I thought I was going to lose him last night. He... He tried to commit suicide. I know him, and I know he wouldn't do it in the end. Even though I knew he wouldn't actually do it, the fear of him doing it just wouldn't leave my mind. It is scary. I don't want to lose him too," she says, beginning to cry. Just like Levi, she's never cried in front of anybody else. It's new to her as well. She is like everybody's mom when their biological mother isn't there. She's the backbone. She feels like showing her weak points will ruin that image.

What Hanji said is true though. If you don't open up, then it's like showing off a fake self. You're not showing who you really are. Mikasa doesn't want to be like that.

"I don't want to lose him either. He's too precious for this world. He's just broken, that's all," Hanji says.

"I know I shouldn't have snooped, but I read in his journal. He's always drawing graphic photos that display violence. He thinks of it, but doesn't want to do it because he cares about us too much. I don't know how he manages to do that," she tells Hanji.

Hanji nods. "A lot of people come into my office and I tell them to do similar things. Close your eyes and draw what you see. Or, close your eyes and imagine pain. What is pain and where do you feel it? Now, draw it. I told Levi about how I do that with some people. Maybe it is good that I tell him these things. I didn't think he'd actually use it... I don't even know he needed therapy in the first place," she tells Mikasa.

"Thank you, Hanji. I can tell you mean a lot to Levi. I've read about it too. He feels bad for not opening up to you and Erwin. I guess, Levi telling Erwin about Eren was his way of trying to open up. Now, the one person he opened up to is dead. That's got to be even more difficult. Also the fact that he wasn't given the time to properly open up all the way. I hope that he will be able to open up to you. I really do," Mikasa says before kissing Levi's forehead.

"He deserves better... Much better. I will do whatever I can to make this happen," Hanji finishes. "You go get sleep too. I can tell that you're tired."

"Will he be okay if I leave?"

"We can hope so. I'll be here, probably get some sleep myself. I'm tired too," Hanji confirms. She nods and leaves the room.

Hanji isn't able to sleep. Her mind is running on how broken Levi is. She knew this all along and she never bothered to help him. This can be her time to help the broken boy in her arms. She had only been a therapist for three years with a low degree. Her job and her work always collide with each other, but she will never stop doing what she loves. 

When Levi wakes up, it's already the middle of the day. Hanji is still awake, off and on of sleep. "Hey sleepy head, you feeling any better?" she teases, messing up his hair.

He swats her want away. "Stop it four eyes. Yes, I'm feeling better. I'm just going to go outside for a couple minutes," he groans before getting up.

"Ahh yes, my Levi is back. You go outside. Smoke a cig, get some vitamin D from the sun, whatever you do," Hanji laughs. Levi gets up and goes outside. He doesn't smoke, but the thought has been tempting. He knows it is only because he is stressed right now. If he picks up the habit while stressed, he knows it won't end well. He will become addicted to something he doesn't have the money for.

He thinks about Erwin and Eren. He wants to go out to see Eren, but also he still feels drained. He feels too drained to walk all the way to the park to see Eren. He knows that is what Erwin wants; happiness. Erwin wants Levi to be happy with somebody. He knows that this is the main topic on his mind because that was the last conversation the two had together. If it were any other conversation, he's focus more on that rather than Eren. He feels almost guilty for thinking about Eren at a time like this, but it is almost as if he can't help it. It was still their last conversation.

He looks up and notice a few people walking. They're laughing and smiling. They're  enjoying each others company without a care in the world. Levi wishes he could be like that. He wishes he had somebody to hang out with who he can be carefree with.

Maybe Eren is good for that. He will help Levi open up in such ways.

Levi goes back inside and rushes into his room. He changes his clothes from yesterday and goes into the bathroom to wash his face and teeth. He looks at his hair and sighs at the mess. Of course Hanji had been playing with the boys hair the entire time he was asleep, messing it up.

Once he is finished, he grabs his journal and goes back into the living room. "Where is Mikasa?" he asks Hanji. 

"She went to sleep. She's been up all night herself. She needs beauty sleep like the rest of us," she replies before yawning. Levi felt guilty for sleeping on her, but shakes it off.

He hands Hanji the journal, taking a deep breath. "I know you're a therapist, so... you're free to look into it if you want. But, when Mikasa wakes up, please give it to her. It's hard for me to do this, I've been keeping my journals away for a long time now. I want to open up more to those close around me. I wasn't able to fully to that with Erwin. I can trust you two, right?"

Hanji doesn't say anything. Instead, she places the book onto the coffee table and takes Levi into a hug. "You're braver than you think, Levi. Most people prefer to keep this to themselves. I always tell them that if they want me to ready their journal, to leave it in the filing cabinet in my office. Not a single person has ever left me their journal. I'm proud of you. I'm so fucking proud of you, Levi."

Levi smiles into Hanji's shoulder and hugs her back. "You're my friend, Hanji. I know I don't show it, but I love you. I really do. Thank you," he says.

"No problem. I love you too short stack," Hanji teased, only to get shoved onto the floor.

"Too far, fucking four eyes. Next time you call me short, I'll break those shitty glasses of yours," Levi hisses. The threat only causes Hanji to burst into laughter. Levi rolls his eyes before pushing his hair back. "I'm going to go to the park. Eren should be here."

"Good luck. Make sure you got plenty of condoms. I know you folks in your day and age can go round after round after round-"

"Okay stop it," Levi interrupts. "Please never say that again."

Hanji chuckles before getting up and hugging him goodbye. Levi leaves wordlessly and immediately regrets not bringing a hoodie. He knows that he can just turn around and walk the three feet back into his house, but he knows that Hanji will only hold him up in that house even longer. She's too much of a social butterfly.

When he gets to the park, he notices a fidgety Eren there. "Hey," Levi speaks up.

Eren looks over and his entire expression changes. His shaking and fidgeting immediately stop, his eyes go from a dark blue to a bright, ocean green, and his skin glows.

"Levi, I didn't think you'd show up! Are you okay?" Eren asks, rushing over to the shorter boy. "You're sad... More sad than usual. Did something happen?"

Levi makes eye contact with Eren and he notices something off in Eren's eyes. Usually, his eyes remain ocean green with specs of gold. The gold has been replaced with the dark blue from before.

"I'm okay. It's just that my best friend passed away. It was tough, and it is still tough for me to say this now, but I didn't want to leave you here alone without an excuse, especially if it is our thing to meet up. Plus, he would want me to be happy and to get out more. I told him about you, and he likes you. I'm taking his word for it," Levi rambles, immediately regretting it.

You should never tell anybody that you're seeing them for somebody else, even if it is in the situation Levi is in right now. For all Eren knows, that could be a guilt trip.

Luckily, Eren takes it as a good sign. "I'm happy, Levi. I'm happy for you. I'm so sorry about your loss; nobody ever deserves that, but I'm happy that you're going with his words. If it feels right for you, that is. Don't do anything that you are uncomfortable with," Eren replies as some of the gold specks return into his eyes.

Eren's body motions come off as energetic for Levi. Why is Eren so happy and energetic when he has just told the boy that his best friend had passed away? Then again, Hanji was the same way. Hanji has always had an extroverted personality, and Levi can see that coming off of Eren as well. Maybe extroverts just have a different way of handling emotions compared to introverts.

Levi has always wanted to study body language, but never thought that he would get a career out of it. Yes, that type of job could be useful in court because if he can read body language, then that can help determine if the suspect is guilty or not. That just isn't something that Levi wants to do, but if he ever had the free time he would study body language. Right now, seeing similar traits between Eren and Hanji helps him. It also helps him fight off paranoia. He doesn't know Eren, of course he will be anxious and assume that Eren is going to kill him and his entire family. But body language helps calm down that feeling.

"Here, how 'bout I treat you today?" Eren asks before flipping Levi around and standing at his side.

"What do you mean?" Levi asks as they start walking.

"I'm going to take you out. What's your favorite kind of food? You need it, Levi. I can see all of your built up stress and anger. At a time like this, you need things to calm your emotions down. I know where you're coming from, I do. My parents are dead, I'm all on my own. I do understand this emotion, this pain. It's difficult to live with it. I don't know your friend, so I can't help you there, but I can help you with your stress levels. Please, let me help you," Eren explains.

It clicks in for Levi. Eren never knew Erwin in the first place. He knows he should've thought about that before letting his mind wander off to other things. It won't make Eren as emotional due to not knowing Erwin. The fact that Eren still wants to help despite not knowing Erwin is heartwarming for Levi now.

"Thank you Eren, but I can't. We don't really know each other and I'd feel horrible if you spend any money on me. I don't have money myself, I don't have a job or anything. It's okay," Levi promises, only to get a head shake from the brunette.

"To be completely honest, I wanted to take you out anyway... a first date of sorts. Of course, if you're uncomfortable with that then we don't have to call it a date, or we can invite our friends or whatever. But, now I don't want to think of it as a date myself. I want to think of it as helping out a friend. I know you're stressed. Your body language says it all. You're stressed, sad, paranoid, anxious. I want to help you find stress relievers. Please, let me do something to help you," Eren explains.

Levi thinks about it for a moment before nodding. "Okay, but I'm not really that hungry. I had some oatmeal for breakfast a few hours ago. I don't have a big stomach so usually that just fills me up for a day. But, if you choose a place I might just get something small," he replies.

Eren nods and they begin walking. During the walk, Eren laces his hands with Levi's and smiles when Levi doesn't protest.

Levi knows what the cheeky brat is doing, and he doesn't mind it. If anything, he finds it amusing on how needy he is. Also, if Eren is leading the way, it's kind of a way to follow the leader.

Eren takes the two of them to a soup and sandwich shop. "I figure if you're going to get something, you'll pry want something to settle in your stomach a bit easy. Their soup is really good here. They have sandwiches,wraps and desserts here too," Eren tells the shorter boy.

The place looks too expensive for Levi. He feels bad enough that Eren is paying for him and of course Eren has to choose an expensive restaurant. 

Levi grows anxious as they get closer to the front counter and he presses his body against Eren, gripping his upper arm. Eren looked at him and chuckled before stopping. They both take time to look at the menu before Eren tells the cashier what he wants.

Eren then turns to Levi and asks him what he wants. "I-it's okay. You really don't have to buy me anything. I feel bad, I don't even have a wallet to begin with," he tells Eren.

"Levi, it's okay, I promise. I brought you here because I wanted to treat you. Don't worry about it, okay?" Eren assures, making eye contact with Levi.

Levi sighs and nods, getting what sounded appealing to him. Eren pays for the two of their meals before leading Levi to a booth in the back of the small building.

"Thank you, Eren. I'll pay you back, I promise," Levi says.

"Honestly Levi, I wanted to treat you. Remember, I did say that I originally wanted to take you out on a date," Eren chuckles.

Levi's face turns into a bright red and he looks away. "I know. I still feel bad," he says. "I guess, if you want then we can count this as a date."

In all honesty, Levi still doesn't feel the same way. He knows that this is what Eren wants though, so to him it is like a pay back for the meal. He sees Eren smiling as a blush forms on his face and he feels bad. He shouldn't have said that because what if Levi will never feel the same way back? Now he has just played with Eren's feelings a little bit.

"Well, then um... what do you want to talk about?" Eren nervously asks. Levi chuckles at the boys nervous behavior.

"Well, I'd like to know more about you. You seem to already know so much about me. Now it is your turn," Levi replies.

The cashier brings them their food at the table and the two of them thank her. She nods and walks away,  leaving the two of them alone once more. "Well, I don't really do much to be honest. I don't draw, I don't write, I don't... do anything. Whenever I'm at the park, I just play on my phone or think about life. It's my way to relieve stress, I guess. I dropped out of school and living outside the city means that I don't have to pay for my house. My parents built it there for themselves until they passed, away, now I run it. I hardly have people over sadly. People are always sketched out about leaving this place, and I don't blame them," Eren says.

Levi nods as the two of them start to blow on their soup. "So, you pretty much just keep to yourself?" he asks. Eren nods before taking a sip out of his soup. "I guess that's one way we are similar. Why did you drop out of school?"

"I just didn't feel like school was right for me. I know that I should've stuck it out because if I wanted to move here to the city, then I'd need a decent job and degree, but it still doesn't feel right. I'm not ready is all. Maybe one day, I can go back to school," Eren says.

Levi can't help but to feel sketched out over Eren's replies. They're extremely similar compared to what he would say. He knows that Eren knows he is isolated and has dropped out of school. He can't help but to notice the gold specks fading once more.

"I understand. I wanted to go in for art, but it wasn't for me. I want to draw freely rather than getting some shitty opinion for a grade," Levi grumbled.

"That's how I am with human behavior. I can read people easily, but people have different opinions on how exactly to do it. I read body language differently compared to most people, and I always got points deducted from that. It's so fucking dumb."

Levi nods and eats a bit more. "So, what do you do while you're at home then?" he asks.

Eren thinks for a moment before responding, "I guess normal, every day stuff. Clean, watch TV, play some video games, play on my phone. I don't have a very interesting life." Levi nods once more before finishing off the rest of his meal.

Once Eren is finished as well, the two leave. "Thank you again, Eren," Levi says. "I still feel bad. I'll pay you back, I promise."

"Levi, saying that this was a date has been enough for me. Thank you, for taking me out on my first ever date. I know the timing is wrong for you, yet you still went out of your way to do that. I know your feelings for me aren't so strong, I can see that in you... but I hope that we can do this more often. We can get to know each other a bit more before deciding if we wanna be together or not," Eren replies.

The guilt returns on Levi at his words. Of course Eren knew that Levi only said it to please Eren's feelings. At least he knows and is very accepting of it. After all, dating is getting to know somebody before putting a label on it.

"I wouldn't mind that," Levi responds. Eren smiles and hugs Levi, kissing his cheek. "Thank you for taking me out. It did help me feel better about Erwin."

"Any time. Please, let me know if you ever need anything," Eren says. He pulls back and digs through his pant pocket. He takes out a small piece of paper with his phone number written on it. "Please, call me any time if you ever want to meet up or to vent or whatever. I'll be here."

Levi looks at the crumpled piece of paper and laughs. "You cheese brat. Thank you," he says.

He notices Eren leaning in and he is unsure what to do. He trusts Eren enough to know that the boy won't kiss him, but he still can't help put to feel that he will kiss him. 

Suddenly, Eren  pulls away. Levi takes a deep breath out in relief before looking down at the ground. "Sorry if I just made things awkward. But, honestly, you can call or text me at any time. I always have my phone on me," Eren apologizes.

The guilt eats at Levi once more. He knows it was unintentional for Eren to put the guilt onto him, but he still feels guilty nonetheless. He knows Eren wants to kiss him, but he doesn't want his first kiss to be out of guilt. He wants it to be something that he enjoys. Instead, he kisses Eren's cheek.

"I promise I will call you if I need anything. But, I should start heading home. I didn't really give Mikasa and Hanji a heads up on how long I'd be gone. They're pretty worried about me at the moment," Levi says.

"Is it okay if I walk you home?" Eren offers. Levi thinks about it for a moment before nodding. The two start walking hand in hand before Eren speaks up once more. "So, who are Mikasa and Hanji again?"

"Mikasa is my older sister. She's more like my mom, though. It's comforting for me especially since I hardly ever see our actual mother. Hanji is a childhood friend of mine, just like Erwin. I pushed her more away from me over the years because of how energetic she is. I don't do well with such energy around me, but lately she has been comforting me. This morning her and Mikasa really helped me and encouraged me to come see you. Erwin was too last night. He just wanted me to give you a chance... well, all three of them do to be completely honest. I don't blame them. I've never been so opened up before. Thanks to the three of them, I feel comfortable hanging out around somebody else."

It wasn't the entire truth. Levi still feels iffy about a lot of Eren's actions and behaviors. But he can't forget that he truly hasn't opened up to anybody like this before. He still thanks the three people in his life for that.

The two talk more about Hanji and Mikasa before they reach Levi's apartment. Eren makes a mental note on which apartment is his before wishing Levi a good night. 

As he is walking away, he pulls out his phone and crosses off two names listed in his notepad. He smirks before turning his screen off and getting in his car.

_I don't need to worry about them just yet..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is currently 3 in the morning. I'm exhausted. Good night.


	4. Chapter Four

It's been a week since Erwin's death and Levi isn't doing much better. Just like that day, all of his actions have been for Erwin. The people in his life have been very understanding with his cautious actions and he couldn't be more grateful for that. He feels like he shouldn't have to explain himself, and so far he hasn't.

Mikasa has been keeping a close eye on him while the two of them are home. In the past week, it's been rare when they actually saw each other. It's been rare for them to catch up and it's taken its toll on the both of them. Mikasa has been getting more hours at work and Levi has been doing out with Eren.

Marie has taken some visits to Levi's house to keep him company as well. Levi was there every step of the way, supporting Marie. Her baby bump isn't showing yet since she's only four weeks into the pregnancy, but Levi is anxious to see it already. He feels like this child will be closure for all of them. 

Hanji has been physically distant from everybody due to work. She took a couple days off before having to go back. She has been texting Levi every day to make sure that he is okay, though.  She feels bad for not physically being there for Levi when she knows that he needs it. 

As for Eren, he has been taking Levi out more often to different restaurants or movies. Levi enjoys it, he won't lie. Eren makes him genuinely happy. He still feels guilty for not being able to pay Eren back, but Eren assures him that he has enough money.

It doesn't make sense for Levi. If Eren had money, then why would be live outside of the city where it is cheaper? Eren did say something about the house being associated with family, but also said that he wished to live here if he had money. Maybe he the money he spends on Levi is different. Maybe he puts some money in savings and some for his own spending money. That would be the ideal thing to do when you're saving.

No matter what, Levi doesn't question it. He is afraid to. He doesn't want to ask Eren too many questions due to fear. He doesn't know what he is afraid of. He knows that the boy won't hurt him.

_What if he hurts others around me?_

That's a constant thought in his head. He doesn't know how Eren would even have the time to do that, and he doesn't know why he would do that in the first place, but it's still a thought he gets. He knows Eren well enough to know that he won't hurt anybody else.

At least... he hopes so.

He doesn't want anybody else to get hurt. He doesn't want anymore pain. He doesn't want to live a life full of someone else's actions. He wants to live his own life with his own actions without feeling guilt. He would feel guilty if he didn't do things for Erwin. He would feel guilty if he didn't care for Marie. He would feel guilty if he depended on Mikasa more than he already has. He would feel guilty if he didn't spend time with Eren. He doesn't want to live in that guilt but at the same time he knows that he will have to make his own choices, he would have to leave Marie for some time, he would have to depend on Mikasa and he would have to take a break from Eren.

If he could find a way to do all of this without feeling guilt, then he wants to aim at that. But, he can't find a way.

His eyes finally open and he rolls over to check his phone on the night stand.

_9:39 A.M._

He's never slept in so late before. He feels exhausted despite getting so much sleep. His head is throbbing and the sunlight hitting directly onto him isn't helping. He was never a morning person, but this morning was worse than usual. He feels as if he is hung over despite not drinking. He's had alcohol before, yet this feels worse.

He turns the phone screen off and rolls back over to bury his face in his pillows. The screen of the brand new phone doesn't help his headache.

He's always had a phone and it wasn't a smart phone until Mikasa surprised him with one the other day. It's a couple years old, but Levi doesn't care. Mikasa had been worried about him not liking it due to being old, but how could he be mad? Mikasa went out of her way to buy Levi a gift. They're on a super tight budget right now. He feels grateful if anything.

The thought of Mikasa buying him a phone and Eren taking him out on dates has made him want to get a job. He's always wanted to help around the house to make sure they're getting rent paid on time and now he is finally getting the motivation to do so.

A knock at the front door causes him to groan. He gets up, not bothering to put a shirt or pants on as he heads for the door. "I swear Mikasa you need to start remembering to bring your keys," he says before opening his eyes. His face automatically turns into a bright red as he notices Eren standing there rather than Mikasa.

"Hi Levi, sorry if I woke you up. I thought you'd be awake by now," the brunette apologizes.

"No no um, you're fine you didn't wake me up. I woke up a few minutes ago," Levi says as he rubs his forehead, his headache still pounding. He lets Eren inside and his eyes dart down to Levi's body. Levi realizes this and his blush darkens, not helping his headache. "I'm going to get dressed. You can stay here or come with or whatever. I don't care."

"I mean, if you don't mind me there. I doubt I'll be able to take my eyes off of you, to be completely honest," Eren bites his lip, inching closer to Levi.

Levi chuckles and backs away. "You're not allowed to touch me. Not now, probably not ever. I have trust issues. If you can manage to gain my trust, then maybe. Until then, keep your hands to yourself. If you can't control your dick, then it's best to stay in the living room," he tells Eren.

"I'm sorry Levi. I didn't know that made you uncomfortable. I was just joking around, I wouldn't do anything to you. I shouldn't have said that, though," Eren apologizes.

"You're okay, don't apologize. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were joking around. Jokes are okay. I mean, we are young guys. Sexual jokes are normal. Just for a future reference, I'm not exactly ready to do anything sexual," Levi replies. He feels guilty for saying that to Eren. He owes him an apology.

Eren chuckles before ruffling Levi's messy hair. "It's okay, I understand. You've been going through a rough time anyway, so I would even say no if you actually wanted to," he laughs. Levi tilts his head to the side, leaning into Eren's hand. The confusion on his face only makes Eren continue. "When I was upset, I fucked people. I've never been in a relationship, but I was sexually active. Was it healthy? God no. I don't want you making the same mistakes I did."

Levi understood and he wanted to thank Eren for understanding, but nothing came out. He just nodded and gave him a short kiss. Eren smiled before ushering him into his room. 

"By the way, what are you doing here? You've never been over before," Levi asks before closing his door. He feels comfortable changing in front of Eren despite nobody ever seeing his body before. To him, they're both guys. They both have dicks, they both have nipples, so what's there to hide? His insecurities are more on the sexual side and it's mainly due to being a virgin. Of course, if things ever got sexual between the two of them, then this feeling would change. But you should be able to see your partner naked and not sport a boner, he feels like.

"I wasn't able to sleep last night, and I remember you saying that you usually wake up around 7 so I was hoping that you would be awake," Eren explains, looking away as Levi steps out of his boxers. He puts new ones on before slipping on some black skinny jeans and a matching shirt.

"I wasn't able to sleep that much myself, which is why I overslept today. That's weird," Levi states. Eren nods in agreement. "Well, are you hungry at all?"

"I was thinking that I could take you out for breakfast, actually," Eren says, adjusting himself on Levi's bed.

Levi frowns and walks over to Eren. He settles himself between Eren's legs and sighs. "Eren, I really do appreciate you taking me out so often. It's really helped me this past week. But I still feel awful. You want to move into the city; you told me that when we first started talking. Spending so much money won't help you. Plus, I feel so awful. I want to pay you back. I'm not the best cook in the world, but I am pretty good at breakfast foods. I used to make breakfast for Mikasa and my mom before they went to work. Please Eren. I don't want you spending so much money on me especially when I don't have a penny to my name," Levi begs.

Eren takes Levi's hand and pulls him in to kiss him gently. "Levi, I understand where you are coming from. I've been thinking, and I just can't give up my house. If I hadn't met you, then I would've been out of this city by now. I would be home, by myself. You're the only reason why I am here. Truth is, I'm fine leeching off of my parents money. I don't have a job and I don't need one any time soon. I've had millions all along. It's not something I am proud about by all means. But, the reason why I've been postponing moving into the city is because of that house. That house means a lot to me. I know that the distance will affect us, but it's just something that I can not give up. Not now, not anytime soon. So don't worry about that, okay? I don't mind taking you out. You're paying me back just by being my date, okay?"

Levi looked down at their intertwined hands and shrugged. He still felt uncomfortable at the thought of Eren spending money on him, even though it's not Eren's money. He decided to change the topic a little bit. "I want to get a job, honestly. I want to treat you as well. I want to help around the house so that we can successfully pay rent. Plus, a job will help me with socializing. I can probably meet new people."

He feels Eren's grip tighten on his hands and he gulps. Eren looks up at Levi and the gold in his eyes are gone once more. "Levi, please do not worry about that. Please. You're perfect, just the way you are. If you want to help, then that's great! But don't get a job to change who you are. Because to be honest, I feel for the guy who is standing in front of me right now. I know that it's selfish of me to say that especially when you should be considering yourself rather than others, but I can't help it when I say that you're perfect in every single way right now."

Levi couldn't help but to smile at Eren's words. He does find it a little bit manipulative, but he is already wrapped around Eren's finger. He can't help but to smile at the words. He loves hearing these words come out of Eren's mouth.

"Thank you, Eren," he whispers. Eren kisses Levi once more. Levi kisses back, pressing into the kiss. Eren's grip moves from the boys hands to around his waist, pulling him in closer. He deepens the kiss as Levi rests his hands on his shoulders.

The two stay like that before Eren pulls away. "Please stop worrying, Levi. I'm doing this for you because I want to," he says.

"It's difficult, Eren. I've been so dependent on everyone all my life. I don't want to, though. I don't want to depend on others and so it's difficult to accept this," Levi whispers, keeping his eyes closed.

When he finally opens them, he notices the gold back in Eren's eyes. He loves it when those gold specks show through. "Be my boyfriend, Levi. Please?" he asks.

Levi is taken back by the question. He doesn't know if he should say yes or not. Yes, it is clear that the two like each other, but Levi doesn't know if he is ready for anything else. Being Eren's boyfriend means that they will be more intimate with each other, they'll spend more time together and they'll be dependent on each other. At least, that's how Levi thinks considering he has never been in a relationship before.

He doesn't feel like he is ready for any of that yet. He wants to warm up to the comfort rather than jumping directly into it. Eren is an amazing person, he doesn't deserve getting rejected. He wants Eren to be happy. Saying yes could be a payment for Eren so that he can stop feeling guilty about the money.

His heart says no. His heart says that he wants to wait before being intimate with Eren. His heart says that he wants to get to know Eren until these questions about the boy have been answered completely. His guilt says yes, though. He has paid Eren back by going out with him, so he feels the need to be in a relationship with him to further continue his payment.

Levi knows that he needs to listen to his heart, especially when his questions have been unanswered. Eren is too jumpy with his stories.

Every time he explains something, it feels different. Levi can't help but to be alert at that. Why would he change his story? He could be saying it out of order, but that confuses him even further.

"It's okay, Levi. You don't have to say yes. In fact, I shouldn't have even answered. I'm sorry if I made you feel any sort of discomfort," Eren says sincerely. 

"It's okay. I just want to get to know you a bit better. I'm nervous as well. Usually relationships get intimate and I don't know if I am ready for more than kissing. I don't even think I can do making out. Well, more making out than we've already done. This position alone is a stretch for me," Levi explains. "I know I do have feelings for you, I can't hide that. But also I've known you for less than two weeks. Yes, some people do go quickly, but I don't know if I can be one of those people. I need to know who I am with."

"I understand. It's scary being with a stranger. Just let me know what you're comfortable with, okay? I know I keep repeating that, but it's because I do care about you. If I didn't care, then I wouldn't say this," Eren says.

Levi chuckles, looking down at the ground. "You're making this so hard right now," he retorts.

"I don't mean to. Honestly, I'm okay with it. I know I shouldn't have asked you especially when, now that I think about it, I don't think I am ready myself. Plus, you are going through so much right now, so a relationship shouldn't be on your mind," Eren explains.

Levi wants to question why Eren suddenly doesn't feel ready for a relationship, but decides that it's best to assume that he said that so that guilt doesn't eat at Levi.

"Thank you for understanding Eren. Really, thank you," Levi says as he smiles.

Eren wants to kiss Levi once more but he knows that it isn't the best time to do so. He knows what he has to do in order to make Levi his. He will do whatever it takes. Giving Levi the space that he needs is step one.

"You're welcome. Now, will you let me take you to breakfast?" Eren teases.

"Fine," Levi groans, pushing Eren off of him. "But I need to get some coffee ready for Mikasa. She usually comes home around 10. She loves coffee when she gets home."

Eren nods and the two leave the bedroom. Levi enters the kitchen and gets the coffee pot ready to go. While he was doing that, Mikasa walked in. She was bundled in a black coat with her red scars.

"Hey Levi. You have your friend over?" she asks as she takes off her coat, but keeps the scarf on.

"Hello, I'm Eren. Levi's told me a lot about you," Eren introduces himself, offering a hand. Mikasa shakes it and studies his face, seeing no signs of danger. "I do believe I have seen you before."

"You do look familiar, other than our very small encounters due to Levi," Mikasa agrees.

Eren looks down and notices the small, white embroidery on the corner of the red scarf. "EJ", it said. "My scarf. No wonder you look familiar. I'm glad to see that it's in use."

Mikasa furrows her eyebrows before noticing the white lettering. "What does E.J. mean?" she asked.

"It's my initials, Eren Jaeger. Jaeger, as in German for 'hunter'," Eren explains. Mikasa wanted to hug Eren and thank him for the scarf. She swore she was inching towards death until Eren had saved her by wrapping this around her. Her goal was to find the owner of the scarf, and now she finally has.

"Thank you so much. I know it's a small thing, but it means a lot for me. You took the time out of your day to save me. I can't thank you enough," Mikasa exclaims.

Levi watches this entire things go down and he doesn't know how to react. He wants to be shocked because he didn't know what Mikasa was talking about. He wants to be happy that the two get along. He wants to be worried that Mikasa will have feelings for Eren, in a non-romantic sense. He wants to be grateful that this act of kindness shows that Eren is a great guy; he's somebody he can trust.

They don't know that Eren had planned on giving Mikasa the scarf. Eren did know how she would react, and that reaction is something that he wanted Levi to see. He's always seen Levi from a distance, so he's known Mikasa for quite some time as well. Yes, he did see her freezing while walking back from work during a snow storm and he did want to help, but deep in his mind he knew that it was only going to be a way to get closer to Levi.

"There's no need to thank me," Eren assures, smirking as he faces Levi. Levi notices it and frowns. Why was he smirking? He had no idea. He feels like he doesn't want to know. 

Eren's plan was a success, though. He gave Mikasa the scarf and in return, he got closer to Levi. Throughout their breakfast, Levi was more open. Levi felt more comfortable around Eren. 

"Thank you for helping Mikasa, by the way. She couldn't afford a winter coat last year so it does mean a lot to her. She's never taken that thing off," Levi says as he finishes his small breakfast. He still isn't the type to eat a whole lot, which worries Eren but he shrugs it off.

"It's no issue Levi. If I see someone freezing, of course I will help. It's the right thing to do," Eren says as he finishes up himself. "I'm glad I was able to help. I didn't know it would mean do much for her."

Every time Eren gets personal, that gold in his eyes fade away. It's almost as if he is lying, or he is angry. Maybe even both. Levi knows that he needs to be cautious when he sees that.

"Why do your eyes change whenever you're talking in depth about yourself? Like first, when I told you about Erwin's death. Then when I told you about the house, and now when you talk about the scarf. Are you hiding something?" Levi finally speaks up.

He was going to keep it to himself, but if it keeps happening then he can't keep quiet for much longer.

Eren looks away and furrows his eyebrows. "What? Is having hazel eyes a problem?" he asks, getting defensive.

Levi feels like he struck a nerve, but he knows he can't back down at this point. "No it isn't. My eyes change color too. Some days they're more blue and others they're more grey. But, I've never seen any eye color fade so instantly. I don't want to accuse you of anything, I promise. After everything you've done to me, the last thing I want to do is to accuse you of lying. But please, if you're lying then please tell me. The one thing I can never handle is a liar."

Eren closes his eyes and sighs. "I knew Mikasa beforehand, okay? I didn't plan on giving her the scarf, but I knew her. There, you happy?" he asks as he looks at Levi again.

He notices how Levi wasn't lying about his eyes changing color. He never noticed how bright the blue in his eyes were until now, when the sun hits on Levi at the perfect angle. Levi's eyes are natural when they change. His change due to the light like most hazel eyes do. Eren's is different. His changes due to his emotion and he hates it. He's always known that his eyes give away the fact that he is lying. 

"I'm sorry, Eren. I really am. It's just that lying... I can't handle it. Even if it a small lie. I've been lied to so many times before, it's just something that I can't deal with. I know you don't mean harm, trust me. But, please respect that. If anything, please at least respect that," Levi apologizes.

Eren stays silent and it worries Levi. His eyes are closed as he faces down towards his lap. Levi stands and goes over to his side of the booth and sits beside him. "Eren. Please don't be mad at me," he almost whimpers. 

His is terrified right now. He doesn't have many people in his life and the thought of someone being mad at him is something he is afraid of. He doesn't want to deal with the pain of being lied to, but at the same time he can't deal with the pain of losing someone over it.

"I'm not mad at you, I promise Levi," Eren whispers in a low voice. "I'm just upset, mainly at myself. I don't want to make you upset or mad or worried or anything, and I've failed at that."

"No no! It's okay! Honestly, I'm okay. As long as you don't lie, I'm okay!" Levi promises, rubbing Eren's back. "How 'bout we go for a walk, or back to my house. Mikasa is probably still there so maybe the three of us can watch a movie or something." 

"How 'bout we go to my house? After all, you haven't seen it yet," Eren offers.

Levi frowns. He doesn't feel uncomfortable with the idea, but he's never been out of the town before so it shakes up his nerves. "Can we walk around while I think about it? I've just never been away from here so I don't necessarily know if I will be comfortable."

Eren nods and takes his card and receipt and the two leave. Eren goes to grab Levi's hand and feels the boy stiffen up. "Are you okay?" the brunette asks.

"I'm okay, I'm just really anxious right now. I really want to take your offer, I see no issue in going over, but it's just nerve wracking. I trust you, Eren. I feel like I know you well enough to trust you like this. Yes, it's just going over to your house, but remember I only have three people close to me now. I don't get out much and so whenever I go to a new place, it scares me," Levi explains. 

"I understand. I was once the same way myself. Over time, I learned that I have to put a foot out there in order to make friends. Of course, for you it is different because you live in the town, so it's easier for you. For me, I don't have that much freedom. So, I do understand what you mean," Eren says.

Levi squeezes Eren's hand and tries to fight back a smile. He he happy with how accepting Eren is towards this whole things. He is still afraid in a way when he knows he shouldn't be, but every time Eren says something like that, it brings him comfort. "Okay, let's go to your place," Levi finally says.

Eren smirks at Levi and begins to lead him in a new direction. "My car is parked over by your house today. I made sure I was in a visitor parking spot, don't worry," he says.

Levi chuckles and they walk in silence. He doesn't mind the silence, he never has. If anything, the silence draws him in closer. Silence has always been comfortable for him to be around. Most people think it's awkward, but for him it never is. 

Once they get to Eren's car, Eren opens the passenger door for Levi. The shorter boy feels himself blush and he gets in the clean car. Levi appreciates the cleanliness because he is a clean freak himself. He would never put himself in a filthy car with leaves and papers all over the ground. Eren gets in the car and turns the ignition on, making sure the A.C. was warm for Levi. The two of them buckled in and Eren began driving.

The radio was soft in the distance for the both of them and Eren held Levi's hand throughout the ride. He knew Levi was nervous and he truly doesn't blame him. He rubs his thumb against the back of Levi's hand, causing the boy to smile.

By the time they get there, Levi is calmed down. He looks at the large house in front of him and gasps. "This... is yours?" he asks.

The house was at least three stories tall and the outer walls looked sheer. The front lawn was huge with a rose garden and a gate surrounding the area.

"Yeah. Living out here means that you can have as much land as you want. After all, it isn't owned by anybody except the government. They approved of it and so here we are. I guess having such a big house does explain why I always feel lonely in it. I mean, three stories plus a basement? It'd be nice to share it with people once more," Eren says before getting out of the car.

Levi makes a mental note to remember that Eren once had a family and that this was their house. A big space could increase the feeling of loneliness, which is why smaller spaces like a bedroom are more comforting for people when they want to be alone.

"Did anybody else live here besides your parents?" Levi asks, looking around the house.

"I did have a brother, Zeke... but he ran off once my parents passed away. What a brother, right?" Eren chuckles, taking out a vintage looking key with a diamond shaped top and unlocking the front door. 

He guides Levi inside and the boy immediately freezes, looking around the area. He's never seen a real chandelier in his life, so one in the living room and another in the kitchen had him astounded. The couches were a sheer black which made him happy. Usually in big houses like this, furniture is white. Everything here except the chandelier and walls had a red and black theme. The walls got rid of the dark look by them being white.

The brunette behind him laughs as he closes the door. "At least somebody is impressed by it. Trust me, if I had the courage to move out of here for your apartment, I would. Like I said, it's too lonely here," he tells Levi.

Levi frowns and looks at Eren. "If you want, I can visit more often," he says.

"Well, I was hoping that maybe one day if you do want to be closer to me, then you could move in with me. Your Mom and Mikasa could join us too, if that's okay with them. I know living in the city can be very expensive, so living here to save up money wouldn't be too bad," Eren offers. The question takes Levi back. He knows it's Eren being considerate for their situation, but he doesn't feel like he can trust Eren for any of that anytime soon. "You don't have to answer me now, or any time soon, but I do want you to keep the question in mind."

Levi nods and thanks Eren. He sits on the couch beside Eren and gasps when the boy kisses him. He kisses back lightly and turns his body to face Eren. Eren pulls back and smiles at Levi, cupping his face. Levi leans into his touch and shuts his eyes. He feels Eren's lips on his once more and kisses back. Once Eren starts laying the two of them down, Levi pulls back. "Don't worry, we don't have to do anything you're not ready for," Eren promises.

He can feel that the boy is hesitant, so he gets off of him. Levi panics and pulls him back down, feeling bad for interrupting the moment. "I'm sorry, I'm just nervous," he says, pushing himself against Eren. "I'll tell you when you can stop."

"Levi, I'm not going to go further if you show any signs of discomfort. I know you're new to all of this and I want to go at your pace," Eren says, giving Levi a soft smile. "You said you wanted to watch a movie, right?"

Levi frowned, feeling bad. He knows that he should do things according to his own comfort level, but he can't help but to feel like he should have to do things because Eren wants to. He feels bad for stopping Eren from doing what he wants to do.

"Eren, I'm okay. I'm just nervous. Kissing is okay, right?" Levi asked.

Eren shook his head and sighed. "Honestly, it is okay. Don't worry about it. I want you to tell me when you're ready to go further, okay?"

"But I am ready," Levi protests.

"You're only ready because you feel guilty. You're an open book, Levi. I can tell exactly what you're thinking," Eren retorts.

Levi can't argue when he knows that it is the truth. "I'm sorry, Eren. I know you want more, and I feel bad that I can't give it to you yet. I want to try eventually, I feel like I can trust you. I don't see any reason why I can't trust you. I'm willing to be more intimate tonight, but I don't think I can do anything more than kissing. I mean, I can, but I will be very awkward and insecure and shy and... yea," he blushes.

Eren chuckles and kisses his nose. "I understand. Now, what do you want to watch?"

"I mean, I don't really watch movies that often, so it's up to you," Levi says, his arms still around Eren.

Eren smiles before kissing Levi. "I'm sorry, I can't help it. You're just too cute," he says before leaning back in.

Levi kisses back, trying to follow Eren's faster pace. He gasps when Eren tugs at his bottom lip and his eyes fall shut. Eren goes back to kissing him, but slower. He adjusts himself to where Levi is between his legs and he moves on to kiss down his neck. "Is this okay?" he asks.

"Y-yeah," Levi stutters, his eyes opening as his fingers comb through Eren's hair. He tilts his head to the side and his eyes flutter shut once more as he feels Eren's soft kisses and licks on his neck. His breath hitches when he feels a sharp pain and his grip tightens. "E-Eren," he gasps.

He feels that same sharp pain a couple more times down his neck and chest and it got more painful the lower Eren went on him. Eren bit harder on his chest, causing Levi to arch his back and lean in on Eren's touch. Eren licks the fresh bruise before going back up to Levi's lips and kissing him. "You did so good, Levi," he praises.

Levi is panting underneath Eren, smiling at the small praise, but unable to say anything. He lets go of Eren and rests them above his head. Eren chuckles and grabs his hand to help him sit up. "Come on, let's watch a movie in my room. I have a bigger TV in there and we have more room so we aren't squished together."

The dazed boy nods and follows Eren into his room. Once in the red and black themed room, he lays down on the bed. "I'm guessing red and black are your favorite colors," he says. He lays down on his chest and is introduced to a heavy amount of pain. His breath hitches at it and he turns over.

"Well, when I had people stay over, the red and black brought out a whole different feeling to the situation. It made it more... of a sexual feeling, and that's what they were here for. I obviously don't do that anymore and I got a new bed just a few weeks ago to get rid of those memories. I still keep my stuff from those days, but I can only do so much at a time," Eren explains.

It makes sense for Levi. A red and black room would make things feel more adult-like compared to a pink and yellow room. At least, in his book. "How many people did you have over, then? You know, if you changed your whole house for it," he asks.

"Most people wouldn't want to know about their boyfriends past, you know," Eren laughs.

"Well, I'm not the jealous type. I'm actually curious," Levi says as he curls up against Eren's side. He feels like a child, but he can't help but to do so. Even though it was a small make out session, Levi feels like he's on cloud nine.

Eren brushes out Levi's hair with his fingers as he looks for a movie for the two of them to watch. "Honestly, I lost count. I know that's bad, but that's how I coped with being along here. Two friends of mine in particular hooked up like every other day, I swear. But, they just so happen to be in a relationship with each other now and I haven't seen them since," he replies.

Levi nods. "And what do you mean by keeping stuff?" he asks.

"You know like, toys. Nothing so extreme but things that get the job done. Jean, one of those two friends, was so fucking rough on me with most of them. Poor Armin, the other one. He's so delicate and fragile, too fragile for the shit that Jean and I did," Eren laughs. 

Levi visibly flinches and Eren raises an eyebrow. "They make toys for sex?" he asks. "How does that work?"

Eren couldn't help but to burst into laughter and Levi curls up, embarrassed. "Don't worry, Levi. If you want to know one day, then I can introduce you to some of them. But for now, not yet. Toys can be very scary. I know when I first started out, I was terrified of them. I trusted Jean, though. I knew he would treat me well with them and well, he did. They can look scary at first and I don't want to scare you off with them. And when the time comes, we don't even have to use them if you feel uncomfortable or scared. I don't need those to keep me happy."

Levi still had no idea what Eren was talking about, but he nodded. He doesn't know how toys could be scary, or what these toys even were. He doesn't know what Eren means by needing toys to keep one happy. He doesn't understand, and maybe that is a good thing. The brunette did say that they can make one uncomfortable, and Levi needs to trust his words.

"What do they look like, at least? You can't leave me on the edge like that, you know. How can toys be scary?" Levi can't help but to ask. The reasonable side of his brain is out and curiosity replaces it. 

"Again, I'll show you another time. One step at a time, right? Like how I'm getting rid of all of it, we just need to take our time," Eren replies. Levi shrugs and leans into his touch once more. "What kind of movies do you like? Romance? Comedy? Horror?"

"I guess horror. Horror movies are comedy for me because they're so bad at trying to be scary," Levi replies. Eren nods and turns on a horror movie. "Okay now, Jigsaw is actually good. Especially when you've seen the previous movies."

Eren chuckles and lays down to cuddle with Levi. "These movies definitely shows all the different ways to murder someone," he darkly states.

"I guess so," Levi agrees, oblivious to Eren's dark aura. The two watch the movie in each others arms, Levi dozing off throughout it.

Eren watches Levi sleep and he smiles. "Oh Levi, if only you were ready for me. Don't worry, I'll do whatever I can to quicken things up. I want to make you mine to where you will never be able to turn back. Doesn't that sound nice? You can be here, with me, and I'll never have to be alone again. It sounds so nice... if only you would hurry up and be ready for me now. Or, would I have to get rid of a few others in order for you to be closer to me?"

He stares at the sleeping boy before kissing him deeply. "My dear, Levi. Don't make this any harder, for the both of us. I don't want to see you in pain ever again, but you gave me no choice. How dare you run off to Erwin after being with me. We could have talked about it, but instead you ran over to a man who was once in love with you. I just can't let that happen again. Because one day, one of them will take you away from me. And I don't want that to happen just yet."

He pins the sleeping boy down and kisses his neck, leaving more dark hickeys and feeling up his shirt. "You're such a deep sleeper, aren't you?" Eren chuckles. "Come on, wake up."

He licks up from his neck to his mouth and kisses him deeply. Levi stirs awake and his face immediately turns red. "S-sorry I fell asleep," he said, shifting uncomfortably. 

"It's okay. The movie just ended a couple minutes ago. Now, when did you want to be home?" Eren asks, crawling off of the boy. Levi sits up and he shrugs. "I was wondering if you wanted to spend the night here. I have some clothes for you. They may be too big, but they will do."

"I don't know... I haven't slept at anybody's house in years. Plus, I'd feel bad for not telling Mikasa earlier. Mom will be home tonight, too," Levi says.

Eren nods, yawning before laying back down. "That's understandable. How 'bout in an hour we leave?" he offers.

"Sure. What do you want to do until then?" Levi asks, laying down as well.

"Can we just stay here and lay down? I don't feel like doing anything, which is why I need an hour before I begin driving back into the city," Eren says. Levi laughs and nods, cuddling up to Eren.

The two stay in each other's arms and have a small talk before it's time to go. The car ride wasn't awkward, despite Levi feeling bad for making Eren have to drive back. It was only even Levi got home, things got awkward.

"Levi! There you are. I went to the park to find you and- what the hell is that on your neck?" Mikasa snaps.

Levi furrows his eyebrows, confused. "What do you mean? Also, I was at Eren's. We just watched a movie then he drove me back here," he replied.

"Clearly you did more than watching a movie. Mom will be furious if she sees that on you. You know she doesn't like seeing that kind of stuff," Mikasa groans. "I don't mind it, like hell I get covered in hickeys all the time. But again, mom would flip."

"What's a hickey?" Levi asks. "What the hell are you talking about Mikasa?"

Mikasa froze, looking at Levi's neck and back at him. "What did Eren do to you? I don't care if you had sex, just be honest with me. Because if you don't know what you guys did, then maybe you're not ready for it," she says.

"Well, we kissed a bit, then he was kissing and biting at my neck. That's it. Does... biting necks leave marks?" he asks.

"Yes! You suck and bite at the skin until blood rises and it leave a bruise. That's a hickey. And he wasn't going easy on you too damn I've never seen them so dark before," Mikasa says, rubbing on one of them. Levi flinches at the feeling, causing Mikasa to chuckle. "They're so warm too. I never knew they could be warm."

Levi groans and goes into his room, locking his door and looking at his reflection in the small mirror placed behind it. He takes off his shirt and notices the litter of red marks covering him. Some were lighter than others, but the ones on his chest looked like they were going to be on there for weeks. "Fuck," he hissed, throwing on a new shirt and a blue scarf to match with it. 

He goes back into the living room to see Mikasa watching TV. "Levi, I think we need to talk about Eren," she says.

Levi nods and sits down. "Look, he did everything with my consent. I didn't know what he was doing would leave marks, but I did trust him with what he was doing," he defends.

"I get that, I do. Trust me that was me when I first had sex. But, you can't afford to have slip ups like this. Next time, be more careful. Don't do anything you don't already know about. You know mom is against sex, no matter how old we are. She was once a prostitute, so of course those awful memories are going to affect the way she thinks about sex today," Mikasa reasons.

It takes sense for Levi, and so he nods. "I'm sorry, Mikasa. I didn't know," he says. "I just... I feel bad. Eren wants to go further and I'm not ready yet. I can see it every time I see him that he is trying to hold back as much as he can. He had a sexual past. No relationship, but a sexual past. He said something about toys and stuff, which I also don't understand, but I guess being into more serious stuff like that makes it hard to hold back now. I can read it all on him and I just feel bad. So, at least I let him do this."

"Levi..." Mikasa frowns. "Relationships aren't all about sex, you know? In fact, when I was dating Annie, we didn't have sex at all. Even now in my current relationship with Jean, he is waiting for me to be ready. Eren can wait for you. Go at your pace. Don't lose your virginity because you feel guilty. That's what I did and I regret it. I don't need you regretting this either."

"Jean?" Levi questions. That's a name that Eren brought up earlier. It isn't a common name, which confuses him.

Mikasa nods. "Yes. He is into that kind of stuff that Eren was referring to. Him and his boyfriend do it, but it's something that I'm not ready for," she explains.

"Wait... is his boyfriend Armin? And, why are you with them if he's already with someone?" Levi questions.

"Yes, Armin. Don't worry, Armin knows. It's complicated. You focus on your relationship, okay? Don't regret anything you do, and you do that by going at your own personal pace."

The boy nods and hugs Mikasa. "Thank you. I'll try, okay?"

"You better try. If Eren ever hurts you I won't hesitate to beat his ass up," Mikasa teases. Levi laughs and pulls back, hugging the scarf around his neck. "Now come on, let's start on dinner for Mom."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now we can start seeing how Eren is not a good guy from the very beginning and hopefully from here on out it starts to be pretty self explanatory on why it is going to quickly. I was in Levi's place once. I froze up during sex once and we stopped and that guilt still eats at me to this very day even though it was a whole ass year ago. Yup. Lovely. It was my first day knowing the guy and he became my boyfriend like the next day. I mean obv we broke up like a month later cuz wow that relationship was bad... but you get the point.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A BIG shout out to Odette.  
> My first hater.  
> You can read the comments on either Chapter Four, or at this link!
> 
> https://www.wattpad.com/643391674-hanji-jaeger%27s-book-of-random-my-first-hate
> 
>  
> 
> I have screenshots  
> I work so hard on my books and I have original characters for this. Having it SNK based is clickbait but not clickbait. Ereri will always have a place in my heart and I've cosplayed from fics like The Intern and 1994. I look up to these fics. I use SNK characters because it will have a place in my heart but the clickbait part is because I want to see what I can improve on before publishing it with my own characters. I enjoy writing fanfiction, but you can't publish it with someone elses characters. That's how you get sued. I'm too poor to be sued.

The door creaked open and Kuchel walked inside. Mikasa got off of the couch and helped her take her jacket off and led her into the kitchen. "Welcome back home. We made dinner for you tonight," she smiles.

"Really? Thank you guys so much. I'm so tired of fast food drives," her mother laughs. Levi follows them into the kitchen.

"Mom, we make food for you every time you come home in the evenings," Levi groans before chuckling. Kuchel laughs as well and shits down in her usual spot at the table. Levi and Mikasa grab the plated food from the oven and places it on the table. Levi is anxious due to the hickeys around his neck and Mikasa notices.

"You need to chill, Levi. She will know if you don't," she warns him.

"It's been so many years since I went against her words. The last time I slept with someone was like five years ago, and even then I still never had... what are these called again?" Levi asks.

Mikasa chooses to ignore the part where Levi said he has slept with others before. "It's a hickey, Levi. How high were you back in high school to not know this shit?"

Levi rolls his eyes and heads back into the dining room, Mikasa following him. "I've never seen that scarf on you," Kuchel tells him. "It looks nice. Now it's very obvious you and your sister are related."

"Yeah, it's very nice considering he never hangs out with us anymore," Mikasa teases. 

Levi rolls his eyes and starts eating his food. "I try, you know. You all just know that I prefer being alone," he retorts. Mikasa laughs and takes a bite of her food while Kuchel just stays silent.

Despite them growing a relationship these past few years, Kuchel still won't let certain things go. Levi wishes that she would, and that's why he has been attempting at being the perfect, innocent child.

"Hey Levi... What do you want to do for your birthday?" Mikasa asked, causing Levi to shrug. "Oh come on, it's your 21st, you have to do something."

"My birthday is on Christmas, though. Find anything but a drug store and Sonic that's open that day and I'll let you know," Levi rolls his eyes.

"Hey, it's your fault for kicking me in the ribs so hard that they had to get you out. You were supposed to be born January 2nd," Kuchel snapped. Levi chuckled at how serious she was before going back to eating.

"Well, what about going over to Eren's? He doesn't really have anybody, so it'll be nice to go over to his place after we open up presents here," Mikasa suggested.

Kuchel's fork dropped back onto her plate, causing Levi to flinch. He glares at Mikasa who only shrugged at this. "Who is Eren?" she asks.

"A friend of mine," Levi states, twirling around his fork to fight off the urge of fixing his scarf. If he fixed his scarf, he knew she would notice that his neck is hidden for a reason. "We met a couple weeks ago. Mikasa introduced me to him."

Guilt ate at Levi for lying. He hates lying, yet lying is what he does best. He can't handle it when people lie to him, yet it's rare when the truth leaves his mouth. "Interesting. Seems like you moved on pretty quickly from Erwin."

"I never moved on. Erwin's the one who persuaded me into talking to Eren. Don't ever say Erwin's name like that again!" Levi snapped, growing angrier. It was rare when he lost his temper, but he felt like she should know that Erwin was a sensitive topic for him.

"Levi..." Mikasa trailed off, rubbing his arm. He felt himself calm down, his his head was still spinning. He was shaking from head to toe, clenching his fists every now and then, trying to calm down further.

"I mean, you slept around with Erwin all the time. Don't you remember that, Levi?" Kuchel asks, tilting her head to the side as she takes another bite.

"Yes, I remember. That was the past. He was engaged, and he was going to have a kid. I'm helping Marie with this baby for Erwin. I know he would want that. He was so happy with her and now I want her to be happy and there's nothing wrong with that. I haven't done anything like sex or drugs in years at that! Why can't you just let it go? And why do you have to bring this up all of a sudden? This isn't like you!" he snaps once more.

Kuchel rolled her eyes. "Didn't you just sleep with that one kid, Farlan, like a few weeks ago?" she retorted.

"No, I didn't. He's in the past as well. I spent the night there because you were giving me a hard time."

It felt as if the environment around him has changed. He looks over at Mikasa, who was twirling with her scarf. "I think it's best if Levi and I leave for the night. Levi hasn't been doing well lately and this is the last thing he needs. If you want to talk, I'm a phone call away. I know something is bothering you, and if you're not ready to tell me then that's okay. But I'm not going to let you hurt my older brother because of this... especially when I am hurting too," she speaks up.

She gets up and Levi follows suit. She takes him into his own room and sighs. "What's up with her?" he asks. "It's just not like her to be acting this way. We've made so much improvement... I just want my mother back. If I couldn't have a father, I'd at least want a mother..."

"I understand, Levi. It's going to be okay," she says as she unwraps the blue scarf from his neck. She takes another look at the red marks and sighs. "Eren really ate you up, didn't he?"

"I think he did those when I was sleeping. I don't remember him doing those ones, at least," Levi shrugged. 

Mikasa frowns at that. "Are you okay with that? I know you're not so experienced... or rather, it's been a few years and you didn't know shit then or now..." she stops and giggles at Levi punching her arm. "But, I want you to be comfortable. I know you know Eren more than I do, but I still can't help but to feel cautious with that guy. If he does anything you're not comfy with, then I won't hesitate to put an end to things. So, are you okay with the fact that he did this to you?"

Levi was lost for words for a few moments. Mikasa is everywhere when it comes to Eren and his safety. "I mean... I don't mind. It doesn't make me uncomfortable. It would if he did things that we haven't tried yet. He's been honest with me, and the only thing that I hate about that is that I can't be completely honest with him. As in, he thinks that I'm a sober virgin. I mean I guess I'm sober now, but I can't take my virginity back. Erwin has that by a long shot," he replies.

"I still can't believe you let a man that's 99% eyebrows fuck you. Like, was all of his hair so bushy? Like damn I'd imagine-"

"I don't want to know what you imagine, thank you very much. But to help, he shaved. Can't say much about that now and I'm sure Marie would never answer that question, so good luck," Levi cuts her off.

She laughs and lays down on the bed. "Honestly though, you were such a badass back in the days. What happened?" she asks.

"I wanted to be closer to Mom, to be completely honest. And I was never sober when I had sex with Erwin or Farlan, just so you know. As for the stealing and beating the shit out of people, they always made fun of my height so it was nice to see their reactions when the shorty bit back," he chuckled, sitting beside her.

"Honestly, if you let me in your little group of yours, then who knows where I would be today. I don't think I would be able to stop. It feels like there's so much adrenaline that goes with it," Mikasa admits. "So, I'm kind of glad you never let me. After all, you want to be close to family."

"I guess..." Levi trails off.

Mikasa sits up and hugs Levi. "Thank you... by the way... thank you for talking to me today. I've noticed you opening up a lot more lately. It means the world to me. If you ever need me for anything, the number one person who will be there for you is me. It doesn't matter if you've moved on and you're married with five kids. Call me and I'll be there in a heartbeat. I love you, Levi."

"I love you too, Mikasa. I never want to lose you. I'm sorry I've always been so quiet... it's just that I struggle talking to you because most of the things I want to say... I'm just afraid that it will affect our relationship. You're my sister and I want to hold onto that. Talking about my sex life is the last thing I'd ever want to do... but I guess talking about it did help me open up in a weird, sick, twisted way," he laughs.

"You've also been smiling and laughing a lot more lately. Eren has changed you, I can see it. You love him, don't you?" she teases him. He rolls his eyes and pushes her back down on the bed.

"Oh shut up. I like him, but love is too powerful of a word. Well, for now at least. I can finally say that I love someone when they can kill me and I'd be perfectly fine with it. I give them my all," Levi admits. 

Mikasa smiles devilishly and wraps her hands around his neck, making sure not to apply so much pressure. "So if I kill you now, you'd be okay with that?"

"I mean I wasn't being that literal but I mean if you hate me that much then be my guest," he laughs, pushing her off once more. "But no, for real, thank you for being there for me even though all I've been doing is treating you like shit. I really owe it to you, Mikasa."

"It's nothing, Levi. You're breaking, if not already broken. I don't blame you for any of that negative shit you've done to me, which is a very small list to begin with. Don't go blaming yourself. Now, we need to get out of here so you go run off to Eren's and get laid and I"ll head over to Jean's," she teases.

"Someone's being an extra tease tonight. This isn't much like yourself either. Also, Eren lives half an hour away. He already drove me back here once, I'd feel guilty for asking him to pick me up again. I can stay home and just keep the door locked," Levi says.

Mikasa frowns, but nods. "Okay. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call me."

"Oh trust me I will hesitate, now that I know what you do with Jean and Armin," Levi rolls his eyes, pushing her off of the bed.  She just laughs and leaves the room with a final goodbye.

He hears the front door to the apartment shut and he sighs, laying back down on his bed. He wants to see somebody right now, anybody, but he doesn't want to leave. It's already late in the night as it is.

He gets up to lock his room and he lays down on his bed, picking up his phone and searching for Eren in his contact list. Once he finds the phone number, he calls it.

"Hey Levi, what's up?" he hears the brunette's voice ring.

"Hey, I just wanted to call you... mainly just to talk to someone," Levi said, frowning when he heard cars in the background. "Are you still in the city?"

"Yeah, I am. I decided to walk around for a while. I was going to chill at the park but bratty kids were there. I didn't want to deal with it," he replies and Levi could feel him rolling his eyes. "So you wanted to talk? That's not something you do every day."

It was Levi's turn to roll his eyes and he chuckled. "Mikasa just put me in a happy mood, I guess," he says. "My Mom is having a bad night, though. Mikasa left for the night and I just locked myself up in my room."

He heard the front door open once more and a masculine voice call for his mother. He brought his phone over to his shoulder and he stepped up and leaned against his door, listening in on their conversation.

"Oh my, you've definitely grown some, haven't you?" he hears Kuchel say in a flirty voice.

"Only for you, my darling. Now, where did we leave off?" the man says before it goes silent.

Levi tries his best to listen closer and he gasps when he hears moaning shortly after. "It's no wonder you're the most expensive one to choose from," the man chuckles. "I have a present for you, too."

"Levi!" he hears Eren snap from the other side of the line. He brings his phone back to his ear as a sob escapes his lips. "Levi, are you okay? What's going on?"

"My Mom is still selling herself... And they're fucking. That's nice. I guess she thought I left with Mikasa. Why does she care so damn much about my fucking life if she does this shit?" he talks to himself.

"Levi, I'm coming to pick you up. Pack up some clothes so that you can stay the night," Eren says before hanging up.

The guilt eats at Levi as he continues crying, but it fades away when he remembers that Eren never left the city. He gets up and packs his notebook with a variety of colored pens and an outfit for tomorrow. He gets his toothbrush and toothpaste before looking down at his phone.

The device beeps and it's a text from Eren.  _I'm here._

He smiles as he dries his tears and steps out of his room. The smile fades away as he hears his mother with a customer in her room and he dashes to the front door. He slams it shut and finds Eren beside his car in the parking lot.

"Thank you, Eren. I truly owe you one," he says. Eren giggles and kisses Levi before opening up the passenger door for him.

"It's no problem, Levi. Maybe we can start a movie marathon until we fall asleep," Eren chuckles as he pulls out of the parking space.

The drive was silent, but a good silence once more. Levi's head is leaned up against the window of the car and he watches the road, his fingers intertwined with Eren's. Eren glances at the raven haired boy every now and then, struggling to focus on the road.

When they pull up to the house, Levi grabs his backpack and flings it over his shoulder once more. "Thank you, again," he says as they step into the house. Eren turns around the kisses Levi deeply. 

"You don't need to continue thanking me, Levi. I'm helping you because I want to and I want you here. I'd love it if you were to stay with me, I just want to go at your own pace. Remember my offer from earlier, okay?" Eren says.

Levi leans in to kiss him and it takes the brunette by surprise. He was never the one to lean in first, yet here he is. To Levi, it's a rebellious act. He feels as if he needs this in order to rebel against his mother. He's changed his life around for somebody who wasn't even honest to him. She's been lying.

He swipes his tongue along Eren's lips and he opens his mouth, letting his tongue twist against Levi's. He pulls away the licks down Levi's jaw to his neck and bites roughly. Levi moans loudly, his palms digging into the door behind him. "E-Eren I-"

He cuts himself off when Eren pulls away. He pants toughly as he looks at Eren with pleading eyes. "Yes, Levi?" Eren asks. His eyes are a dark green, full of lust. he's eager to get his hands on Levi and maybe this was his chance.

"I... I don't want to go all the way tonight, but I want to do something. It's been so long since I've done anything, and maybe my Mom will see these marks on me and-"

"Levi I'm going to stop you right there," Eren snaps. "I don't know about your past, but whatever happened, your mother better not be in the picture now. I'm not going to let you use me and for you to lose your virginity over some drama between you two. I care too much about you and our relationship to let that happen."

Levi frowns, looking down and loosening his grip on the door. "I'm sorry... I'm not a virgin, honestly. Yes, you were my first kiss. I lost it to Erwin, really no strings attached. I didn't allow kissing for other reasons, and I guess everyone I slept with was just too nice to do anything like hickeys. I slept with people for about two years before I stopped. I dropped that plus smoking and weed. I changed to have a good relationship with my family again, but whenever my Mom is in a mood, she brings this shit up again. Now that I know she is still a fucking prostitute... it pisses me off. Because of her prostitution, I never had a true father figure in my life. Yes, he stayed and had Mikasa, but he's dead now from selling his body as well. It frustrates me that my mother has the right to control my life, even now that I'm 20 years old, when she never gave up these habits herself."

Eren hugs Levi and carries him into his bedroom. "Everybody has a reason, Levi. Thank you for opening up to me and being honest about this. I do appreciate it a lot. I know opening up is difficult and it just means so much to me when you can trust me. I know your situation is difficult, but don't give you your body because of it. Do it because you want to. Go at your own pace, okay?"

Levi nods and curls up against Eren. "I'm sorry. I'm being dumb, I know. I just can't help these thoughts. I've been acting on my thoughts a lot more this past week and it is changing me, but I'm also kind of glad I'm doing this. I can't be closed in forever," he says.

Eren doesn't reply. He rolls on top of Levi and pins his arms up above his head before kissing down his neck. He laps up blood from his previous bite and smirks. "You handle pain so well, Levi. I'm surprised."

Levi closes his eyes as Eren bites down once more. His back arches off of the bed and he feels pleasure rush down his body as he bites down once more. Yes, it does hurt him, but he does enjoy it nonetheless. He can't explain why it feels so good, but Eren is more than happy that Levi enjoys it.

"Will you be okay if I handcuff you?" Eren asks, pulling back up to look at Levi. Levi nods and Eren reaches over to his night stand, pulling out a pair of black cuffs. He links them to Levi's hands before attaching the chain to the bed frame. "Are these too tight?"

"No. They're fine," Levi responds. "Why are you handcuffing me?"

Eren frowns before kissing Levi once more. "I want to try something, okay? If you feel uncomfortable at any moment, let me know and I will remove them."

Levi nods and Eren buttons down his shirt. Levi's first reaction was to move his hands down, but mentally groaned when he remembered that his hands were chained to the bed. He feels Eren's warm tongue travel down his chest and to his pants. He unbuttons his pants and pulls them down, leaving Levi in his boxers. Eren's tongue continues licking down and he stops at his boxers. He licks the fabric around Levi's cock, causing Levi to groan once more. He eyes shut as he feels Eren removing the fabric, leaving him naked.

It bothered him how he couldn't reach for Eren. He wants to wrap his arms around him, to brush his fingers through his hair, but at the same time he wasn't about to complain about the handcuffs. It gives him a sense of submission and that's exactly what he wanted. He wanted to give everything to Eren and these black cuffs around his wrists allow that to happen.

He feels Eren's tongue lick up his cock and his breath hitches. "E-Eren what-" he cuts himself off with a moan as he feels Eren's mouth around himself. "Fuck!"

Eren pushes his mouth onto him more, going deeper every time his head bobs. He pulls back and swirls his tongue around the tip before taking all of him. Levi feels the back of Eren's throat and his toes curl as tears form in his eyes.

Eren removes himself from Levi and he replaces his mouth with his hand. "You're doing so well, Levi. I'm so proud of you," he says on a dark, lustful voice. Levi shivers at the change in his voice and shuts his eyes once more. Eren licks up the tears rolling down Levi's cheeks as he hand moves. He rubs his thumb over the slit of Levi's cock and the boys eyes open once more. He makes eye contact with Eren and lifts his head to kiss him.

"E-Eren, I'm gonna-" Levi cuts himself off as he arches his back, trying to hold his orgasm back. He doesn't know why he is holding it back, but he feels as if Eren has to give him the okay to do so.

"If you need to come, then come, Levi," Eren chuckles deeply.

Levi's eyes shut as he moans loudly, not holding back anymore. He comes as Eren helps him ride out his orgasm. Eren licks up the come lays on Levi's torso and moans, rutting his hips against Levi's leg. "You taste so good, Levi. Can I come on you?"

Levi is too dazed to answer him. He only nods and his head falls to the side. He hears Eren unzip his pants and he jolts when he feels the warm liquid against his chest and his face. He turns his head and shuts his eyes as more lands on his face.

Eren moans at the sight and kisses him roughly. Levi tries his best to kiss back, but he is still dazed. His kisses lighten as he sees Levi falling to sleep. He grabs his phone and takes a photo of the sight below him before wiping up some of his come with two fingers and placing them into Levi's mouth. "Doesn't it taste amazing, Levi?" he says, his hands running up and down the boys body.

Levi weakly hums and sucks on Eren's fingers until he removes them. "You're such a good boy, Levi. You're so amazing," he says as he wipes up some more and places his fingers back in Levi's mouth.

Levi starts to tug on the handcuffs, wanting out but is too tired to speak up. Eren shakes his head and chuckles. "I'm almost done, don't you worry. Once I'm finished, I'll let you go," he darkly smirks as he licks up the come on Levi's face.

Once the substance is removed from Levi's body, he undo's the handcuffs. Levi immediately lowers his hands to his sides and he falls asleep. Eren continues kissing down his torso, leaving hickeys on Levi's hips and thighs. "I love you, Levi. I love you. I want you. I want you so bad. Why can't you just let me have you? Why do you have to make this complicated? I'm tired of being the nice guy... Just stop it. It's frustrating me. I'll kill someone else if I have to... in fact, you leave me no choice... Saying you've slept with other people? You whore, why would you do such a thing? I guess that's what you and your mother have in common I guess. Like mother like son."

He puts his pants back on before leaving the bed. "Farlan Church, you've dated? Yes, he is with Isabel now. Such a shame that I have to end another happy relationship... but I simply cannot risk you being with him again..."

+++++

When Levi wakes up, he is alone. He grabs his phone from his backpack and checks the time.

_2:49 A.M._

He sighs and looks around the room. "Eren?" he croaks. He felt dizzy from their previous events. He looks down and sees him completely naked, but with new marks around his lower regions.

He doesn't know if he is uncomfortable, or questioning it simply because Mikasa brought it up. He doesn't mind the marks being there, but he does care about knowing when they happen.

He lays back down and looks up at the ceiling. Where would Eren be at a time like this? Why isn't he here? Does he have other people over?

It's as if Eren heard him and he entered the room. "Hey, where were you?" Levi asks, worry filling his tone.

"I'm sorry Levi, I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep, so I decided to shower to feel more relaxed," he shrugged, pushing his soaked hair back.

Levi realized that he was in a towel and he frowned. Of course Eren wouldn't be up to no good after what they just did, or so he believes. "Oh."

"Why?" Eren chuckles, removing the towel and laying down.

"My mind just drifted to the worst-case scenario is all," Levi replies as he lays back down beside Eren. He scoots over so that he is no longer in the middle of the bed to give Eren a little bit more room. He yawns and rolls over to face away from Eren. 

"Everything is okay, I'm here," Eren soothes, wrapping his arms around the boy. Levi smiles and leans into Eren's grip. He falls asleep once more, Eren following soon after.

+++++

Levi wakes up due to his phone ringing. He groans and picks it up, seeing  Mikasa's name flash on the screen.

"Mikasa?" he asks as he answers.

"Levi, where are you? Are you with Eren?" she rushes. Levi sits up and notices that Eren is gone once more.

"I'm at his house..." Levi trails off. "Why?"

"I'll tell you when you get here, I don't feel like it's right to tell you over the phone. I'm at the police station. I need you and Eren to get here as soon as possible," she says.

He shakes his head and hangs up the phone. Eren enters the room with a tray full of food and a smile on his face. "Oh good, you're awake. I would've felt bad if I had to wake you up. I made us some breakfast," he says.

Levi smiles back and thanks him. He sits on the bed beside Levi and they begin eating.

"Mikasa needs us at the police station back in the city. She said as soon as possible. She didn't tell me why, though, but to bring you. I'm guessing whatever is going on, you're only involved because I was over at your house," Levi explains.

Eren nods and finishes eating his side of the tray. "Okay. I'll go get dressed and then I'll get the shower ready for you. I know you like to shower daily, so I'll make sure there's enough warm water for you," he says.

Levi thanks him once more and begins eating again. He watches Eren change as his mind goes in circles. Why would he need to be at the police station? Could it be that there's evidence that leads up to Erwin's death? 

Eventually, he finishes eating and grabs the black clothing from his bag. He slips it on and winces as the fabric from his pants are tight against the bruised areas on him. He shrugs it off and follows Eren out of the room. He leads Levi to the bathroom and he turns on the shower water. "You shower and I will be in the living room once you're ready."

Levi nods as the bathroom door closes. He locks the door and strips down to nothing once more. He neatly folds them and places them on the counter. He steps into the shower and melts against the cold water, eyes closed. He stands there for a few minutes before checking the shampoos that Eren owns.

_He has the same shampoo that I use..._

_How convenient._

He picks up the bottle and squirts some of the liquid in his hand before massaging the top part of his hair. He feels down and grips his undercut.

_It's growing out... I should shave it soon..._

He finishes rinsing the suds out of his hair before reaching for soap. He stops, realizing that he doesn't have a scrubber and he didn't want to use Eren's. He sighs, standing under the warm water for a few more minutes before shutting it off.

He steps out and wraps the black towel around him. Even the bathroom had a very small red and black theme to it. The towels were black and everything laid out on the counter was red. He finishes drying off and gets back in his clothes once more. He exits the bathroom and stops, looking around in the hallway.

Eren would suspect him to go straight to the living room, but curiosity was the thing that always killed Levi.

He goes up the spiral staircase and onto the third floor. The atmosphere felt different just by going one floor up. He didn't like the feeling of the unfamiliar area.

The first door that he goes to was locked. Then the second. Then the third. The fourth one, though, did open.

Inside, there lays a ring on the window sill. The bright gem in the middle reflects off and hits Levi's vision. He walks up to it and picks it up, admiring the silver band with a blue diamond in the middle. The diamond reminded him of his eye color and he chuckled, turning it over and reading the engraving on the inside of the ring.

_Forever._

"I see you've been exploring," a voice behind him says.

Levi jumps and turns around, facing Eren and the ring clutched close to his chest. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have but I wanted to procrastinate going to the police station and I decided to wander around doing so. I didn't mean to-"

"Levi, it's okay. You don't have to get so worked up. You're allowed everywhere except the basement. Maybe one day, I will open up that option for you. But for now, it's off limits. I have very important things in there."

Levi nodded and let his hands fall down to his sides. The ring is still in his fist and Eren sees that. "I guess you weren't supposed to see that ring now. I made it, just for you. I thought it was too soon so I didn't give it to you. I planned on waiting a few months before I did anything. After all, you've only seen me for a week. And, I guess even though I've seen you around for months now, I only started to get to know you for a week. It was an impulsive decision that I made when I first got the courage to talk to you," Eren explains.

Levi looks at it in his hand and smiles, taken back by Eren's words. Eren knows how to capture him in every single time. "I love it, Eren," he says. "So what if it's only been a week... they're your feelings, right?"

Eren's eyes darken in color and he nods. "Exactly..." he trails off, grabbing the ring from Levi's hand and placing it on his right ring finger. "A perfect piece to show off who you belong to..."

An awkward chuckle escapes from Levi's lips as he looks at the ring. It fits him almost too perfectly. There was no chance of it sliding off. He didn't want to question how Eren knew his exact ring size, figuring that he would tell him that it was just a coincidence. He looks up and kisses Eren softly before looking back down at the ring. "What was the ring doing here? There's nothing else in here," Levi asks.

"I like to come in here often. It's the only room with nothing in it which I enjoy. Sometimes I hate the cramped feelings in the other rooms, so I come in here. I guess I just left it, that's all," Eren states. "Now, I know you don't want to go to the police station, but it's smart if we start going. Mikasa keeps calling your phone. I only answered the one time and I told her that you were showering. After the call that's when I came to find you."

Levi nods and follows Eren outside of the room. He goes back into Eren's bedroom to gather his belongings before meeting Eren by the front door. They go into Eren's car and Eren begins driving off. Throughout the entire ride, Levi couldn't take his eyes off of the ring. He knows that Eren wouldn't mean it as a form of engagement considering it is placed on his right hand, but he still can't help but to feel happy about it.

The younger boy is all he ever thinks about nowadays. No matter the circumstance, everything in his life trails back to Eren. It's scary and he realizes that it is, but he can't keep his thoughts away from him. He doesn't know if it's love at first sight, or if it is because Eren is manipulative enough to press these thoughts in his mind.

Eventually, they arrive at the police station and anxiety fills Levi. He hasn't thought about what this could be about because he was too focused on that ring around his finger. They get out of the car and walk hand in hand on their way inside.

The first thing he is greeted with is Mikasa's grip on him. "Finally you're here. Levi... I'm so sorry," Mikasa whimpers.

"Mikasa, what happened?" Levi snapped, out of his daze and pushes her away.

"Isabel murdered Farlan last night. She is really unstable right now. She keeps trying to commit suicide but they're trying to keep her alive for questioning. They're truly struggling to keep her sanity low," Mikasa explains.

Once more, Levi's life feels like it is falling apart. "H-how... why? Why would she... why... how did she..."

Eren wraps his arms around Levi from behind and Mikasa notices the small, subtle action. He stays silent, which Levi appreciates. "We got called in because Isabel was our closest thing she had to family," Mikasa says. "She hasn't been well since her real family left her years back, so she only had us. She was threatening her own life because we weren't showing up, but we are here now."

Levi stays silent, still trying to process everything. It's as if once a week, someone dies. Once a week, he loses somebody that he wanted in his life. He lost three people within the month of December. Erwin, Farlan, and now Isabel is going to prison for man slaughter.

"We are allowed to see her one last time... I think we need to take this time and be calm. Don't get mad at her. I know what she did was wrong and I can never forgive her for it... but I don't want her living off of even more guilt because of our own feelings. She's bad enough as it is. Maybe if we leave her with positive memories, then we can put her in a better mindset throughout all of this," Mikasa says.

"Why are they giving us one last conversation? The police never do that. That's unrealistic. They don't know shit about us or what Isabel could be capable of. She could kill us for all we know, that's why they don't do this type of shit," Levi states.

Mikasa shrugs. "I guess Isabel knew people. Now let's hurry. We only have one hour left before she gets sent off."

Mikasa leads the two boys into an isolated area and Levi feels defeated when he sees Isabel handcuffed to a chair in the empty room. "Big bro..." he hears Isabel whimper. "Cousin..."

Levi looks at her confused before Eren stepped up. Levi then sees how much they look alike and steps back.

"Hey Izzy. It's... been a while, hasn't it?"

"Seven years. It all adds up. Why are you with my big bro?" she questions and faces Levi once more. Levi looks up at Eren, then back to Isabel.

"Isabel, I had no idea you two were related," Levi says.

"You can't control your feelings, Levi, but Eren knew about you. I was already friends with you before he left me. So, you stuck on like a leach, haven't you?" Isabel smirks.

The expression on her face terrifies Levi. He's never seen the small girl act so cold. What happened to her over time? What happened in her life that caused her to act in such a way?

"It was a coincidence, Izzy," Eren darkly stated as he glares at the shorter girl.

"Bullshit," she spats at him.

"Isabel, I'm sorry for leaving you. My parents died around the time I left you and Zeke is gone. I don't even know if he's alive to this day. I know I shouldn't have left you, but I did. I never knew how to come back to you. It's my fault and I take the blame for everything," Eren says, a tear rolling down his cheek. Levi wants to feel shocked at Eren crying, but he can't react to anything. His face remains still. Not happy, and not sad. 

"Zeke got laid last night, just so you know. He pisses me the fuck off, even to this day. He's been laying around with prostitutes left and right. He even owns his own bar around the city. That's how he meets them," Isabel states.

Levi feels sick knowing that his mother is still a prostitute, but he keeps his mouth shut. Mikasa looks over at Levi and sees the two boys still holding hands. Her eyes shut as she moves her head to look back at Isabel.

"Isabel... why..." Levi finally speaks up.

"I wasn't thinking. I hit hard ass drugs while pissed off over a fight I had with this random chick at a club and... Fuck. There's more but... It's stupid, I know. I don't know why I did it. I never had thoughts of doing this ever in my life. I don't know how those thoughts came to mind. Levi, I'm so sorry. I love you. You're always my big bro. I'd never want to disappoint you and I know that you're disappointed in me," Isabel cried.

"I'm not disappointed in you... I could never... I love you, Isabel. You've been there for me for all of my life, I could never be disappointed in you. I know that deep down, you're the sweetest girl I know. Don't think I'd ever be mad at you, please," Levi says as he lets go of Eren's hand and caresses Isabel's cheek. He wipes her tears away and smiles. "Come on, smile for me once more. Where's that happy, lively girl that I know."

"She's gone, Levi. She's been gone for years. Farlan's kept be alive all this time, and now I killed him. If I couldn't live with myself with him, I sure as hell can not live now. Just let me go. I know they say that suicide isn't the answer, but I'd rather be dead than to live with this guilt on my chest for the rest of my life," Isabel cried.

Levi sighs, keeping his hand on her cheek. "I can't let you go, Isabel. I know it's what you want, but I can't let it happen. I don't want you dead as well."

Isabel sobs harder and Levi falls back. Mikasa catches him and helps him stand back up. She keeps his arms around Levi while he starts sobbing as well.

A knock on the door interrupts them from finishing their conversation. "Time's up. You need to leave now," a police offer says.

Mikasa frowns, knowing that their time has been cut short. "We will write to you, okay? We will call you at every given moment. We will be there for you, throughout this. Please don't give up," she says.

Isabel nods and wishes them one last goodbye before they leave the room. Eren holds Levi on the way out and Mikasa stays by his side. "It's going to be okay, Levi. I know right now life is difficult but it will get better."

"When?" Levi asks. "When does life ever get better? When does life play right? When does life treat anyone fairly? Why do we bother trying to look for the better side when it never exists?"

"Levi..." Mikasa trails off. She steps in front of him and hold his right hand. "I noticed this ring on you. That ring is happiness. I may think this is all too fast, but I know well enough to know that you were happy enough to allow this ring onto your ringer. It's moments like these that make things better. Hold onto these moments and cherish them."

Levi shrugs and walks ahead of her, leaving Eren's grip. "Just leave me alone. I don't want to talk to anybody right now," he snaps.

Eren goes to run after him, but Mikasa stops him. "Don't. It'll only make things worse for him. He needs time by himself. He hasn't been getting that lately since we've been checking up on him so much after Erwin. He needs this time by himself now."

"What should I do for now?" Eren asks. "I want to be there for him as much as I can."

"Let's go back to the apartment. Mom is there and in a better mood so hopefully that will help him," Mikasa says.

"I don't think so... did he tell you about last night?" Eren said.

Mikasa furrowed her eyebrows and looked over at the taller brunette. "What do you mean? About the fight?"

Eren sighed, looking down and scratching the back of his head. "I know it's not my place to tell you, but I feel like you should know. Levi came to my house last night because he found out that your mother still does prostitution. He heard them. He immediately ran out and I just so happened to be there," he explains.

Mikasa forced Eren's head to turn towards her and she looked inside of his eyes. "Look, I know you're telling the truth, but stop pretending to look all innocent and guilty. If you want to get on my good side, then you better knock off this attitude. I care about my older brother, and to me you're moving way to fast on him. He doesn't deserve this. Let him go at his own pace and stop faking this innocence, or else I'm not going to let him see you again," she snapped. "I can see it in your body language that you purposely told me. He would've been fine going home today. Don't give me this "I know it's not my place to tell you" bullshit!"

Eren laughs and gripped Mikasa's hands, pulling them back down to her sides. "Oh, Mikasa. Let Levi live his own life. He found that ring and wore it on his own free will. You need to calm down. You're only putting the criminal role on me because I tend to move quickly in relationships. But, if you just so happen to ruin Levi and I, I guess I could just tell Jean and Armin. After all, I was once with them myself, and I would still be with them if Levi weren't in my life. I have you trapped, so don't try shit, got it?" he laughed.

Mikasa felt disgusted by Eren's actions. His eyes were a dark green and his smile stretched from ear to ear. "You're sick, Eren Jaeger. I knew something was wrong with you from the very beginning. I should've trusted my own instincts," she snapped.

"Oh, Mikasa. You're the sick one here. I'm not forcing Levi into any of this. You simply accusing me is so horrible," Eren stopped to giggle. "Tell me, what did I do in order for you to say that now. Your arguments are really not making any sense."

"First of all, I can see how manipulative you are. Your eyes say it all. Second, you just blackmailed me! I don't care if you ruin my relationship, but the fact that you're threatening me to get your hands on my brother is disgusting. Also, don't you think that it's suspicious that you live in an area where laws don't exist? To be honest, I won't be surprised if you killed Erwin at this point."

Eren lets go of Mikasa and bursts into fits of laughter. "Wow Mikasa, you're so good at this," he laughs before calming down. "Congratulations. You caught me. But... unfortunately I can not allow you to know. You'll tell Levi and I can't let that happen. Levi is mine, and only mine. I won't let you take him from me."

Eren lunges forward and Mikasa falls down on the ground, blocking him. "You're a fucking psycho. I knew it. I fucking knew it!" Mikasa screams and tries to hit Eren.

Eren laughs and grabs her fist, holding it tightly in his grip. Mikasa feels the bones in her hand break from the abnormally strong grip and she yells out in pain. "You know why I live out of the city? Because I am a monster. I'm no human. The city won't let me in because I've been injected with a serum. You can't take me down, Mikasa Ackerman. Erwin, Isabel and Farlan were unsuccessful."

"You killed Farlan?!" Mikasa screamed, crying in pain. Eren lets go and she falls to the ground once more.

"Oh no, Isabel was the one to do that. But who do you think provided her with that drug? It was a gift from Zeke, and the drug tests will say it's heroine. Obviously heroine doesn't make you kill people in most cases, but the police will never know that there was something more injected in her poor veins. She took that drug on her own free will. She always goes to the club to get them, and I just so happened to find her there. I gave a girl the syringe and told her to give it to Isabel. Then, the story that Isabel knows set place. Everything she says is true, don't let me take that picture away. She killed Farlan on her own free will, but it was a thanks to my drug."

"You gave it to her knowing she would do that. Don't act like you didn't know. You're killing everyone around just to get closer to Levi. How dare you? Levi deserves better!" Mikasa cries, clutching her broken fist.

Eren kneeled down before picking her back up and flinging her across his shoulder. She tries to fight, but gave up knowing that it'd be useless.

"I know that Levi deserves better, but now that I have started, I can't stop. I won't allow you to get in my way either," he giggles before setting her down. He pulls out a syringe and stabs the needle into her vein. "Now, go run in front of that car, would you? He's going 15 over, so if it doesn't kill you, at least you can have amnesia. That will give you a bit longer to live. Once you remember everything, I guess I have no choice but to end you."

And, Mikasa does just that.

She jumped in front of the car while Levi stood on the other side of the street.

"Mikasa!" Eren yelled, running up to her and cradling her. He grabs his phone to call 911 as Levi walks up to them.

The man stumbles out of the truck, not hurt from the impact, but shaken up. "What the hell did she do that for?" he asks, still shaking.

"Why would she... she wanted to save Isabel from suicide then she does this to herself?!" Levi screams, kneeling down and moving her hair back. He feels down her arm for a pulse. "She is still here."

Eren nods and repeats that on their phone call. He gives Levi the signal that he is going to walk away before doing so. He walks over to the truck and throws the empty syringe into the center console, going unnoticed.

And eventually, the paramedics arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so basically this chapter started to show how Eren does his murderous acts and how he gets away with each and every single one. I watch too many crime shows and play too much Yandere Simulator, basically. 
> 
> Also, Eren does live outside the city, yes, but because his murders take place inside of the city then he can be arrested. But, it's easy to get away with murder in a city without security cameras on every corner. Even if there were security camera (like Erwin's death, for example) he manages to get passed them.
> 
> I don't know when I will make Levi realize how manipulative Eren is yet. I really wanted to focus on Mikasa stating that Eren was moving too fast because it is only give chapters in and there was smut (you're welcome, btw), because that is WAY too fast! Levi was manipulated and brainwashed into agreeing with it. 
> 
> Btw I will not kill Mikasa. Maybe I will later but not yet. I added the amnesia part because that's what's happening to her.
> 
> Also I know this chapter is all over the place, don't remind me. I just wanted to continue writing and was too lazy to break it into two chapters.
> 
> Anyway, thank you sm for your guys' support with this story, it really means a lot to me. I hope I get to update soon enough.


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